6 Steps to Achieve Serenity After Your Child Receives a Life-Altering Diagnosis

At home insemination

Updated: Jan. 7, 2017

Originally Published: Jan. 7, 2017

Receiving a diagnosis such as Down syndrome or any unexpected medical condition can be an incredibly daunting experience. It feels like your mind is racing to catch up with a wave of uncertainty and confusion. Medical professionals provide the facts, or the “reality,” but how you choose to process that information is up to you.

It took me over a decade to reconcile the harsh realities with my hopes and dreams, ultimately leading me to a place of peace. Here are six non-linear steps I followed to find that tranquility concerning my son’s diagnosis:

1. I Cried.
   A lot. In hospitals, at doctors’ appointments, even after birthday celebrations and IEP meetings. My tears didn’t stem from a lack of love; rather, they were a response to the differences I saw in him. I was acutely aware of how society treats those who are seen as ‘different.’ I initially viewed my tears as a sign of weakness, not realizing their healing potential. Those tears became a release, soothing my heart.
2. I Read.
   Extensively. I devoured anything related to sign language, hypothyroidism, and Down syndrome. I explored books on sensory integration and researched therapies. I even fell into the trap of Google medical searches, searching for causes and cures. The more I read, the more I understood that no one could truly define my son, as every child with Down syndrome presents unique traits.
3. I Confronted My Fears.
   Deep inside, I was frightened. How would my non-verbal child (now a teenager) navigate a world that relies heavily on verbal communication? Would he struggle with expressing himself? Would he ever find work? Would he attain independence? Each of these thoughts brought more tears for the conversations we might never have. Acknowledging my fear became the first step to addressing it.
4. I Began Writing.
   Nestled on a dusty shelf are the drafts of my memoir. As an introvert who finds solace at home, joining a support group felt counterintuitive. Instead, I turned to writing as my form of therapy. Through writing, I could express my experiences, offering validation to other parents facing similar challenges.
5. I Discovered Love.
   As cliché as it may sound, this marked the beginning of my newfound happiness. I met my partner, Alex, seven years ago. He embodied calmness amidst the chaos of my life and promised to love my son as his own. His support during moments of tears and uncertainty provided me with comfort, whether through his advice or a simple embrace.
6. I Released the Guilt.
   Over time, I learned it wasn’t my fault. I had longed for a healthy baby during my pregnancy, and while it took longer to achieve that health, I did receive a healthy child. He may not fit society’s ideals of perfection, but to me, he is beautifully made.

How can other parents find peace after a medical diagnosis? Here are my suggestions:

1. Allow Yourself to Cry.
   Feel your emotions. Let your tears fuel your advocacy for your child. I discovered that tears can indeed foster healing—give yourself the space to heal.
2. Confront Fear with Research.
   Ask questions and challenge answers. Trust your instincts and seek multiple opinions. Create a plan, and if it falters, adapt it. Each child is unique; no one can accurately predict their future.
3. Identify Your Motivations.
   Find activities that bring you joy. Take care of yourself, and allow laughter, even in tough moments.
4. Seek Support.
   Connect with someone who shares your love for your child. This can be a friend, a family member, or a neighbor. Even if they cannot provide solutions, sharing your feelings can be immensely comforting.
5. Steer Clear of Negativity.
   Avoid those who perpetuate a sense of doom about raising a child with special needs. It’s entirely acceptable to maintain hope and dreams—don’t let naysayers deter you.
6. Cast Guilt Aside.
   Life is inherently unfair, and certain circumstances are beyond our control. Embrace your current reality and strive to live without guilt.

Finding peace may take years, but it is possible.

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Summary:

Navigating the emotional landscape after your child receives a life-changing diagnosis can be tough. It involves acknowledging your feelings, seeking knowledge, and finding support. By embracing love and letting go of guilt, you can gradually arrive at a place of peace.