Dear Mom,
Have you ever taken a moment to reflect on the “messages” you conveyed during those long South Florida summer afternoons as you sent us off to bed? As you left to meet your friends for yet another round of drinks, the implications were painfully clear to me: “The Scotch is more valuable to me than your dad, your siblings, or even you. I prefer spending my time with them rather than giving you my attention, my love, or my encouragement.”
I often imagined you turning back, bursting through my door, and saying, “Not today! I want to know about your dreams, your heartaches, your passions. I want to be present for you—whether that means watching you at the driving range or having a deep conversation about what makes you happy or sad.”
I now understand that alcoholism is a complex issue. What may have begun as a choice influenced by your own pain transformed into a struggle that requires immense effort to confront. Yet, it was essential for you to choose to prioritize something—or someone—greater than your next drink.
You had the strength, Mom, to confront those deep-seated wounds, to demonstrate that you could rise above them and show us what true resilience looks like. You could have turned towards the voids in your life and filled them with pursuits like nurturing our dreams, engaging in meaningful connections, and serving others. This would have set an incredible example for us, revealing that brokenness can lead to beauty and transformation.
I still ponder why you never made that choice, why you never acknowledged your problem or sought help. I know Dad would have supported you wholeheartedly in reclaiming your life. Most hauntingly, I wonder why you never expressed remorse for the pain you caused. I wanted to hear those words from you until the very end, yet you left me with questions that linger: Why didn’t you realize that you mattered? Why weren’t we enough? Why wasn’t I enough?
Your Middle Child,
David
P.S. It has taken me time to heal and learn from the past. I still have a journey ahead, but I believe you would be proud of the person I have become—at least I hope so.
Parenting is a challenging endeavor for everyone, and it’s normal to wish for a chance to “do over” certain moments. However, instead of focusing on the past, we must concentrate on “doing now.” For you, Mom, this means reflecting on how your choices impact those around you. For me, it’s about finding the strength to forgive and transforming my pain into a foundation for positive change in my life and the lives of others. For additional insights, you might explore resources such as this excellent guide on donor insemination, which can also provide support in navigating complex family dynamics: American Pregnancy.
In our journey together, we can learn from each other. For more tips on tackling challenges, including bath time and other parenting insights, check out Bath Time Tips. And for those considering parenthood, you can learn more about home insemination options at Make A Mom.
Summary
This letter expresses a son’s feelings towards his mother’s alcoholism, reflecting on the pain and messages conveyed through her actions. He grapples with unanswered questions about her choices and the impact on their family while emphasizing the importance of moving forward and embracing change.