I have immersed myself in parenting literature, digested countless blog posts, and navigated the comments sections on social media. It all started with those charming weekly updates about my developing baby. I thought I had it figured out—what it truly meant to be the perfect parent.
I made the deliberate choice to welcome my child into the world through an unmedicated vaginal delivery. The moment she was born, she latched on, and we enjoyed hours of skin-to-skin contact and nursing before she was whisked away for cleaning and weighing.
I committed to exclusively breastfeeding both of my children, even in public, well into their toddler years. They staunchly rejected the single drop of formula offered when I was away (after they turned six months, of course). We nursed openly, raising awareness about the proper use of the female breast. When my eldest was diagnosed with a dairy allergy, I gave up all dairy products to ensure she received the best nutrition, sacrificing ice cream, grilled cheese, and even bread for two long years—all for her sake.
Their delicate bottoms were outfitted with every type of cloth diaper available, including custom designs from a local mom. I ensured their rumps were cushioned with the softest materials, which is why I would never dream of resorting to spanking. I wore them constantly, wrapping and carrying them close, and when they cried at night, I welcomed them into my bed, where they slept beside me.
My approach to parenting is as “crunchy” as it gets.
And what has my dedication yielded? Two children who are alive and, well, that’s about it.
Now, at ages six and three, my little blessings thrive primarily on chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and Pringles, sneaking Coke at their grandmother’s house, and they still haven’t mastered sleeping through the night. Their behavior is only decent half the time; the other half, I find myself fantasizing about using my shoe as a disciplinary tool. I don’t spank, though, as I know my anger could easily spiral out of control. Sometimes, I even daydream about the comforts of jail—three meals a day and a cozy cot sound appealing, and I wouldn’t mind the privacy of showering in peace.
The extended breastfeeding lasted as long as it did because: a) They wouldn’t stop, b) It was an effective way to get them to sleep, and c) I regained a lot of weight right after they stopped suckling. I never used a cover in public; they acted like wild animals when restricted. Besides, I figured most people had already seen enough of my body during my college years.
In contrast, one of my closest friends, Jenna, is a firm believer in spanking. She had two C-sections and only nursed her child for a few months. Yet, her kid is a superstar—no allergies, devouring vegetables like a champ, and already mastering bedtime routines.
I adore my kids, who are remarkable in their own way. They have impressive vocabularies (including a colorful array of expletives). My oldest can produce farts that rival grown men, and my youngest finds it endlessly amusing.
If motherhood has imparted one lesson, it’s this: What truly matters is loving your children and ensuring their survival. Everything else is a gamble. Sure, there are studies suggesting breastfed kids are genius material while formula-fed kids fall short. But I assure you, there are plenty of breastfeeding failures and formula-fed prodigies (I was raised on formula and survived just fine).
So, fellow moms, do what works for you. Brag about your victories—like my unmedicated labor experience. It makes for an empowering story. I also enjoy recounting the chaotic tale of my medicated induction with my firstborn. Somehow, despite birthing them through contrasting experiences, I manage to love both equally. It’s nothing short of a miracle.
Ultimately, the only thing that truly shapes your child’s future is the love you give them. So, bring them into this world, shower them with love, and remember—never say never. That’s all we can do.
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Summary:
Parenting is a complex journey filled with choices that can often feel overwhelming. Despite trying to embrace all aspects of “perfect parenting,” the reality is that survival and love are the most important components. Each parent’s approach is unique, and what matters most is the bond you create with your children, regardless of how you choose to raise them.