Since relocating to the suburbs, I decided to join a local chapter of the MOMS Club International. For a mere $25 annual fee, fellow moms in my neighborhood are expected to invite my child and me to picnics, story time, holiday celebrations, and weekly playgroups. This is perhaps the only group where breastfeeding mid-conversation is perfectly acceptable—well, aside from certain establishments.
For me, the highlight of the MOMS Club is the weekly playgroups, which are organized by birth year. My son is part of the 2013 cohort, and we typically see around 6 to 7 moms, along with an equal number of kids. That’s a crowd of a dozen or more, all in one room. And not just any crowd—it’s a gathering of energetic toddlers!
Until recently, I had successfully avoided hosting a playgroup. Despite my overwhelming guilt, I dreaded the potential chaos. What if someone got injured? What if a child had an allergy to our dog? What if nobody showed up or, conversely, if everyone did? What if all the kids erupted into tears, and I lost it, shouting, “I can’t stand this!”?
Ultimately, my guilt got the better of me, and I signed up to host a playgroup. To my surprise, it was a success. There was minimal bloodshed, and my carpet remained free of any unfortunate messes. So, for those curious about how to navigate this chaotic adventure, here’s my guide to Hosting a Playgroup (or Managing a Play Fight Club) in 10 Simple Steps:
- Stock Up on Snacks: If the little ones are munching on store-bought cookies, the moms won’t notice the mess that is your home.
- Get Your Partner Involved: Have your spouse help clear away signs of your child’s presence. This includes scrubbing oatmeal from chairs, milk from the floor, and—yes—even boogers from the carpet.
- Brew Coffee: A fresh pot of coffee can help mask any unpleasant odors lingering from the Diaper Genie.
- Hide Stuffed Animals: These cuddly creatures, or as we call them, “tissue substitutes,” can be tucked away out of sight.
- Post a Friendly Note: Put a sign on the door that says, “Moms, come to the basement for playgroup. Ignore the barking dog; she’s confined to the bedroom.” A more humorous option could be: “Want to rob my house? Act now!”
- Greet Your Guests: When they arrive, offer cookies immediately. You might even playfully suggest a drink of whiskey in a mug—just a joke, of course. Or is it?
- Observe the Chaos: Watch the kids swarm the toys, particularly the VTech activity table. You’ll see them using a xylophone hammer for its intended purpose—and then for some not-so-friendly interactions. It’s a wild scene, complete with hair pulling, cheek scratching, and a river of tears.
- Politely Show Them the Door: Once the fun is over, it’s time to usher everyone out.
- Check on Your Child: Pull your disheveled child from the pile of toys. As you settle him in for a nap, you might wonder—why is he sticky? And whose tooth is that in his little fist?
- Clean Up: Gather all the toys in the backyard, generously spray them with Lysol, and say a fond farewell.
Congratulations, if you’ve followed these steps, you’ve successfully hosted a playgroup and/or a fight club! Prepare for the inevitable flu, pink eye, or perhaps even fleas in the days to come.
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Summary
Hosting a playgroup can be a delightful yet chaotic experience. From stocking snacks to managing toddler antics, these ten steps will guide you through the process. Remember to embrace the chaos and prepare for the aftermath—it’s all part of the adventure!