The holidays are approaching, and as my children return home seeking warmth, home-cooked meals, and playtime with our loyal dog, Max, I’ve been contemplating something. Perhaps it’s time for me to take a little trip.
I adore my two children deeply. Yet, during their recent absence, as they navigated their own changing worlds, I found myself evolving in ways they are completely unaware of. Why would they know? They’re busy focusing on their newfound independence, making friends, and learning. To them, I am just Mom, always present in this house, fulfilling my motherly duties.
But what if, while they were away, I took the opportunity to rediscover passions and interests that have long been neglected? What if I explored new roles or career avenues? What if I realized that a lighter load feels liberating? Does that make me a less devoted mother?
My home feels different now, operating on a new rhythm. I’ve switched to smaller containers of laundry detergent, run the dishwasher only twice a week, prepared meals that stretch over several days, and even enjoyed breakfast while sitting down—sometimes indulging in a single giant cookie accompanied by tea.
My closets and drawers have undergone a significant transformation. The clutter that once filled them has been sorted and cleared. I’ve tossed out old school projects and supplies that no longer serve a purpose. Even my sock drawer, once home to mismatched pairs waiting for their counterparts, has been decluttered. The old me would have repurposed those socks as dust rags, but this time, I simply threw them away.
The chaotic kitchen drawer filled with miscellaneous items has also been purged, prompting me to question how many dishes are truly necessary. I’ve even let go of the exercise machine that had collected dust, passing it on to a family with energetic boys, and I’ve reclaimed that space. My camera, once just a tool for recording our lives, is back in action, rekindling my passion for photography.
As for schedules, I find myself blissfully unaware of upcoming homework or projects. No more frantic late-night runs to buy supplies for school the next day; my to-do list has shrunk from pages of tasks to a few sticky notes. I still receive emails from the kids’ previous schools about volunteering, but I’m not quite ready to sever that connection just yet—this new reality where they don’t live here full-time feels too fresh.
Last night, my husband and I enjoyed a film about a renowned French chef, and I was reminded of how I had neglected the idea of traveling to France. Or Canada. Or Wyoming. Pretty much everywhere, really.
Now that the kids are returning, I find myself missing them and the way they call out my name. Yet, I’ve also realized how much I’ve missed the essence of who I am. It took their absence, along with the process of decluttering, to help me see that.
Recently, I picked up a notebook and began drafting family-sized to-do lists once more. What if, when they return, I am not just the same loving mom but someone who has transformed in other ways? They will certainly have grown into different young men. Will we adapt and connect in new ways, or will we revert to old patterns? Time will tell.
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Summary
In the journey of motherhood, while focusing on raising children, one may overlook their own growth and interests. As children return home for the holidays, a mother reflects on her personal evolution during their absence. With newfound clarity, she explores her identity beyond motherhood, ready to embrace change and reconnect with her children.