Seven years ago, I made a decision that I now reflect upon with a sense of regret. When I converse with friends planning to start families later in life, I urge them to maintain their careers after welcoming a child and to avoid making impulsive choices regarding their jobs.
My choice to step away from work was indeed impulsive. At the time my first child was born, I was thriving in a publishing role surrounded by a fantastic team and engaging projects. The few years before motherhood were marked by professional satisfaction, especially after my company was acquired, leading to enhanced benefits and opportunities. I envisioned a long-term future with that organization, never anticipating that motherhood would change everything.
Married for just a year, I became pregnant at 32, and everything unfolded rapidly. We were living in New York City, then transitioned to the suburbs shortly before our baby arrived. After a brief maternity leave, my office relocated, making my commute significantly longer. Suddenly, I was faced with the challenges of balancing work with motherhood—navigating long hours, dealing with breast milk leaks in meetings, and managing a complicated relationship with a babysitter who seemed to be taking over my role as a mother. The emotional toll of attempting to juggle both worlds felt overwhelming.
The chaos intensified when I returned to work. Shortly after my return, the infamous tri-state blackout hit, leaving me stranded in the city while my three-month-old remained at home with a babysitter who was ill-prepared for the situation. That night marked a turning point for me; I felt my time as a working mother was numbered.
Initially, my managers offered me a flexible schedule, allowing me to work three days in the office and two from home to help ease my transition. However, the nagging worry that I was missing out on my child’s milestones loomed large. My daughter was learning to walk without me, and I found her calling the babysitter “mommy.” Whenever I would try to spend time with her, work demands would interrupt, leading to a cycle of illness and exhaustion.
Ultimately, I decided to resign, a move that I believe surprised no one. I did manage to leave on good terms, but I missed my job intensely. For six months, I continued working part-time for my former company, which helped me cope. I found myself checking emails and longing for the camaraderie of my colleagues.
Shortly after leaving, I became pregnant again, and life grew increasingly hectic with two children just 19 months apart. I quickly realized that staying at home was not fulfilling for me, leading to feelings of depression. A trip to England introduced me to women thriving in part-time roles, igniting my determination to find similar work back in the States. Thanks to a connection from my previous job, I secured a part-time publishing position that lasted nearly three years and eventually led to a consulting career. However, the inconsistency of consulting left me feeling unfulfilled and unqualified for the roles I truly desired.
Looking back, I appreciate having experienced my children’s early years. Working part-time allowed me to attend ballet lessons, school events, and concerts, ensuring I was present for their milestones. However, I still wonder what might have happened had I chosen a different path—what if I had hired a babysitter who didn’t evoke jealousy? Would things have been different if I had given my career more time? The truth is, my kids would have thrived regardless of the choice I made.
Admittedly, I’ve never been fond of playgrounds or school drop-offs, and I often feel like a less-than-perfect mother when I see other moms seamlessly managing playdates and baking sessions while I struggle with my own expectations. I’ve realized that I’m not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom, a realization I wish I had come to before making that life-altering decision.
I don’t intend to imply that balancing work and motherhood is easy; it is undoubtedly challenging. However, I find satisfaction in my work and the independence it brings. I’ve observed that my children often flourish with fresh interactions outside the home, benefiting from caregivers who can provide new energy and attention.
For those new moms contemplating stepping away from a full-time job, I advise caution. If you have the opportunity to work part-time in a role that matches your previous responsibilities, consider it carefully. Achieving a healthy life balance is essential—prioritize what aligns with your needs. If you cherish your job before starting a family, stick with it. The longer you remain committed to your role, the more likely your employer will support your efforts to attend your child’s events or appointments. You’ll find a rhythm that allows you to thrive both at work and in family life.
For more insights on navigating motherhood and career choices, check out other resources like this guide on home insemination and this article on the importance of sleep during pregnancy. For invaluable information on pregnancy and fertility, Medical News Today serves as an excellent resource.
In summary, my journey has taught me the importance of making informed choices about work and parenting. Each family is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Ultimately, finding the right balance is crucial for your well-being and that of your children.