On the first day of summer basketball camp for my 10-year-old, I found myself in an unexpected predicament when filling out the necessary forms. Among the requirements was a clause stating: “A parent or legal guardian must pick up their child every day.”
Living less than a mile from the camp’s location on a small college campus, I had envisioned my son biking to and from camp, navigating quiet neighborhood streets without a hitch. “He’ll ride his bike,” I confidently told the camp director, who simply replied, “I’m sorry, but we cannot allow that. A parent must sign him out daily.” What?
This, dear readers, is a glimpse into the exhausting reality that many parents face today—stressed out and utterly worn down by the unrealistic expectations of modern parenting. I would wager that a majority of us would love to tell society (and that camp director) to take a hike.
Can we please start giving our children a bit of freedom and independence? Imagine if we actually did that—perhaps our colleges wouldn’t be filled with students who need adulting classes or call their moms for every little decision.
But let’s discuss the toll this style of “be there for every second” parenting takes on us, the parents. We are drained, overwhelmed, and trying to juggle our roles as caregivers, employees, and community members all at once. Who are these people enforcing such strict pickup rules at camp? Who decided that we need to conform to these stringent parenting guidelines?
I’ve even been informed by my children’s school that they cannot walk home without adult supervision. Can you picture how outrageous that would have seemed just a generation or two ago? Back in 1985, once school ended, we simply walked home or took public transport to meet friends—no cell phones, no adults in sight, and certainly no one questioning our safety at the park.
How do two-working-parent families manage this incessant demand for supervision? I genuinely feel for those parents who find themselves in situations like I did at camp, without the luxury of flexible jobs to meet these ridiculous requirements. They must be stretched thin under the societal pressure that insists on constant parental involvement being the ultimate measure of effective parenting. But, folks, that’s not the case.
If you’re fed up with these absurd demands and genuinely want to foster independence in your kids, it’s time to voice your concerns in similar situations. I wish I had spoken up at basketball camp. I regret the times I felt inadequate as a mother because I couldn’t be constantly present, and I let others make me feel that my child would somehow suffer for it.
I regret not challenging the assumptions about my children’s safety in those irrational scenarios that people conjured up. I regret not standing up against the overparenting I witnessed during the college application process, which only hindered rather than helped our children grow. And I regret not advocating for working mothers who are doing their best to provide for their families while facing demands for unwavering supervision.
I refuse to watch my fellow parents crumble under the scrutiny of judgmental peers. From now on, I will speak out. Like Towanda from Fried Green Tomatoes, I’m older now (and I do have more car insurance), and I’m done with the “I must be there or my child can’t participate” nonsense.
Moms, let’s unite and put an end to the helicopter parenting trend. If we don’t, it won’t just be our children who suffer; we will too. I refuse to look back on motherhood with regrets. I want to enjoy it and see my child ride his bike home from camp.
This article was originally published on July 18, 2017.
For more insights on parenting, check out our blog post on couples’ fertility journey for intracervical insemination. For those navigating fertility challenges, Making Fertility Treatment More Accessible offers valuable information. If you’re seeking resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Johns Hopkins Fertility Center.
Summary
Helicopter parenting imposes unrealistic demands on parents, leading to exhaustion and frustration. It’s crucial to advocate for children’s independence and challenge the societal pressures that dictate parenting styles. By uniting against these constraints, we can create a healthier environment for both parents and children.