In the early years of parenting, I received a piece of advice that resonated with me: create a home where your children’s friends feel welcome. I took this to heart, envisioning my house as the ultimate hangout spot. I imagined investing in a trampoline and top-of-the-line gaming consoles, with snacks available in abundance, including all the “good” treats. I envisioned a future where my home was a sanctuary for my kids’ friends, where they’d often say, “This place feels like my second home.”
Fast forward to today, and the reality looks quite different. We never ended up purchasing that trampoline or the flashy gaming system. Instead of offering open access to the fridge, I regularly send my kids and their friends outdoors during naptime for the baby and insist they tidy up after they’ve turned the garage into a chaotic playground.
In essence, I’ve drifted far from the fun mom I aspired to be—and I’m perfectly fine with that.
The desire to have the cool house is understandable; it provides a way to keep tabs on my kids and their friends, ensuring they’re safe and having fun. However, I’ve come to realize that my main priority as a mother transcends the allure of being the “fun mom.” What truly matters is ensuring my children feel a sense of belonging and love at home, and that has nothing to do with how trendy our gadgets are or how many snacks we stock.
Navigating adolescence can be daunting. Reflecting on my own teenage years, I know my oldest daughter is on the brink of dealing with various forms of drama—friendships, crushes, and everything in between. During those turbulent times, I want our home to be her refuge, a place where she can escape the pressures of the outside world and feel safe and accepted.
Creating such an environment is challenging, and I’m learning along the way. It demands dedication and, above all, time. So, kids, don’t be surprised if you can’t invite friends on family vacations. I understand the fun you’d have, but I’d rather have you at home, sharing moments with us through board games and laughter. I want you to strengthen bonds with your siblings, establishing relationships that last a lifetime. I cherish those unguarded moments when you’re free to be yourselves, unbothered by how you appear to your friends.
While I don’t dismiss the idea of being the “cool house” entirely, my focus has shifted. Friends are enjoyable, but family is forever. I once thought my role was to help my teens build friendships, but I now recognize that my true responsibility is to weave a safety net of family support around them. No one will ever love them as unconditionally as their parents and siblings do, and I want to invest my energy into ensuring they know that.
I want my children to feel that, even on their toughest days, home is where they can truly be themselves.
And if they occasionally want to bring their friends over, well, I suppose that’s alright too.
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In summary, while the quest for the “cool house” may seem appealing, my priority lies in fostering a loving, supportive environment for my children, allowing them to grow and thrive amidst life’s challenges.