“If our children never stumble, they’ll never learn how to rise again.”
These words resonated with me during a casual Tuesday at the park, where I was catching up with a friend about her son’s recent potty-training challenges. As we spoke, we noticed a frazzled mother running after her 5-year-old, who was energetically navigating the playground. She hovered closely, ensuring he wouldn’t make a misstep and fall. (Keep in mind, this was a child capable of talking, walking, and running.)
Parenting styles vary widely, and I respect that this mom was acting according to her instincts. However, I firmly believe that preventing our children from experiencing falls, both literally and metaphorically, deprives them of crucial lessons. Without the opportunity to stumble, they won’t learn how to pick themselves back up—whether that’s on the playground or in the broader scope of life.
From my perspective, true learning often emerges from moments of failure. When we truly confront disappointment, we develop the resilience needed to navigate life’s challenges. We tend to innovate, grow, and cultivate empathy. Without those initial setbacks, this transformative journey never begins. Over my five years as a parent, I’ve discovered that allowing my children to encounter failure is one of my most effective parenting strategies.
So, I let them fall—within reason, of course. I’ve even permitted them to experience hurt feelings and exclusion. Just recently, while babysitting a group of six children, my oldest son began to act unkindly towards his peers. I attempted to intervene—through verbal corrections, timeouts, and even discipline—but nothing seemed to work. It wasn’t until one of the other kids said, “We don’t want to play with you anymore,” that the lesson truly took hold.
Despite my son’s efforts to rejoin the group—asking politely, seeking a toy to share—it was too late. They had made their decision. As I watched this unfold, my instinct was to step in and encourage inclusivity. Yet, I realized that intervening would rob my son of a vital learning experience: the natural consequences of his actions.
When he came to me in tears, I embraced him and gently explained, “Being unkind means others might not want to play with you. Let’s work together to be kind and see if they invite you back.” The sting of exclusion proved to be a far more effective teacher than any of my previous attempts at correction.
I still recall a moment from high school when my mother forgot to pick me up. As the oldest of four, she was undoubtedly juggling many responsibilities, and I found myself waiting alone for an hour before making the three-mile trek home. When I confronted her about it, my frustration boiled over. That night, my dad informed me that I wouldn’t have a ride to school the next day. I assumed my mom would relent, but she stood firm, insisting I walk.
Missing my midterms felt catastrophic to me at the time, and I pleaded with her, arguing that she was jeopardizing my future. However, she remained resolute, allowing me to experience the consequences of my actions. That day, I learned a lesson that shaped my understanding of responsibility and resilience.
As a parent now, I recognize that allowing my children to face failure is crucial for their growth. Experiencing setbacks fosters self-education and cultivates compassion. It’s essential to understand that suffering is a part of life, and rescuing my children from failure isn’t my duty. Instead, my role is to support them through disappointments and equip them with the tools to navigate their own challenges.
Next time you feel compelled to shield your child from minor falls, missed opportunities, or hurt feelings, consider that you may be depriving them of invaluable lessons. Understanding that their actions have natural consequences will ultimately prepare them for the responsibilities of adulthood.
Encourage your child to grow through their experiences, and when they stumble, take a step back—enjoy the front-row seat to their development.
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Summary
In essence, allowing children to face failure is essential for their personal growth and development. It teaches them resilience, empathy, and responsibility. As parents, our role is to support them through life’s challenges rather than shield them from every setback.