I have something to admit: I used to completely overlook the importance of my friendships. During my younger years, friends were simply part of my daily life. We played sports together, attended classes side by side, and shared secrets about crushes. We spent countless hours together, witnessing each other’s ups and downs while navigating the journey of adulthood. Those friendships felt effortless.
Fast forward to today, and my life is now filled with the responsibilities of marriage, parenthood, and work—along with a surprisingly intimate relationship with laundry. Balancing my friendships amidst the chaos requires meticulous planning, often involving calendars, highlighters, and weeks of forethought. I’ve even resorted to pretending to work out in the morning so I can catch up with my friends while we jog—mostly chatting about our sons and the challenges of getting them to use the toilet properly.
The dynamics of friendship have become more intricate in this phase of life. It’s not just about casual cocktails and late-night gossip anymore; it’s also about grappling with more serious issues like aging parents and the daunting reality of preparing dinner every night.
While my friends continue to be a source of support and strength, I often feel like I’m failing them as a friend, my time consumed by tasks that often require my immediate attention.
We ALL have moments where we fall short as friends because:
- We miss important calls when someone truly needs us, buried in the demands of motherhood.
- We don’t always offer the best advice when friends seek our input.
- Sometimes, we dominate conversations when we should simply listen, eager to share our own adult stories.
- We forget significant dates like birthdays.
- We become so engrossed in our own lives that we overlook the major events happening in our friends’ lives.
- We might feel hurt when not invited to a gathering, even if we wouldn’t have attended anyway.
- We cling to grudges over trivial matters.
- We create unnecessary drama in our minds.
- We drift apart.
- We even lose friends because we weren’t there for them in the way they needed us.
Yet, it’s crucial to acknowledge the ways we do succeed as friends:
- We listen—often more attentively than our partners.
- We keep each other’s secrets safe.
- We discuss the important issues—family, careers, and even Spanx.
- We share laughter, sometimes laughing so hard our drinks nearly spill.
- We affirm each other’s beauty, recognizing how vital that reassurance is.
- We notice the little details, like subtle shifts in mood or appearance.
- We uplift one another, often leaving interactions feeling more empowered.
- We turn to each other for guidance when Google doesn’t have all the answers.
- We carve out time when it seems nonexistent.
- We forgive, motivated by love and understanding of the chaos our lives entail.
I look forward to the day when we’re all in our 80s, having long since stopped worrying about trivial matters. I imagine we’ll still talk about the boys in our lives, but mostly, we’ll raise a glass to all we’ve accomplished through the challenges we faced together.
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In summary, while we may feel like we’re falling short as friends, it’s essential to remember the countless ways we do support and uplift one another. The journey of friendship, much like parenthood, is filled with its own set of challenges and rewards.