In a multicultural America, my children embody a blend of ethnicities. They soak up the sun and get beautifully “brown” during summer. My heritage is European, while my husband’s roots lie in Iran. Born in the United States, he is an Iranian-American with a common Middle Eastern name and fluent in Farsi.
The inquiries I face often reflect lingering stereotypes about Middle Eastern individuals, particularly men, and Islam. Many Westerners associate the faith with radicalism, violence, and terror, ignoring the vast diversity and complexity of Middle Eastern cultures. The questions I receive about my husband and our family are not only frustrating but also deeply rooted in Islamophobia and racism. I find myself constantly defending my husband, my children, and our marriage. However, I refuse to stay silent. Just as people of color and women continue to confront racism and gender biases, I will continue to speak up and educate others.
It is crucial to understand that Islam is not a religion of hate, and Middle Eastern people are not inherently violent. You, as a global citizen, should acknowledge this truth without needing constant reminders or debates over misconceptions. Engage with Middle Eastern communities, explore their cultures, and ask thoughtful questions.
Here are five of the most ridiculous questions I’ve received about my Middle Eastern husband and our mixed-ethnicity children:
- Is He Controlling You?
Seriously, do I look like someone who can be controlled? My husband is the least controlling person I know. If anything, it’s the other way around! (A little secret: I may actually have a bit more control than he realizes). - Do You Have to Wear a Veil?
I wear what I choose, thank you very much. While I may need to dress appropriately to enter certain establishments, my husband does not dictate my wardrobe. Many Muslim women in America wear the hijab by choice as a proud expression of their faith. If anyone were to impose restrictions on my attire, that would be oppressive—and he wouldn’t be my husband. - Does He Make You Participate in Muslim Practices?
You mean, like praying five times a day? Big no. I’m not Muslim, nor is my husband—he’s simply Middle Eastern! It’s a common misconception that all Middle Easterners are Muslim. If he were, he could practice his beliefs independently; I can support him without being involved. - Does He Think He Can Have Multiple Wives?
Last I checked, polygamy is illegal here. Plus, I can’t imagine my husband managing multiple wives. Who wants to juggle that many relationships? Most scholars agree that while the Koran permits men to have up to four wives, it’s not a requirement. And let’s be honest—my husband is probably too financially strapped to support more than one wife! - Is It Safe to Bring Your Kids to a Muslim Country?
I’m perfectly capable of deciding whether or not it’s safe for my children to travel to an Islamic country, including Iran, where my husband’s family resides. We had a wonderful experience in Morocco, where locals were welcoming and tolerant. Sure, there are cultural norms to respect, but that’s part of traveling. Iran, too, has its challenges, but that doesn’t mean its people are hostile. It’s crucial to do your research and approach these cultures with understanding and empathy.
By choosing to explore the Muslim world, I prioritize knowledge over stereotypes. Next time you feel the urge to ask me these questions, remember to consider the impact of your words.
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Summary
The article addresses common misconceptions and absurd questions faced by a woman married to a Middle Eastern man. It highlights the importance of understanding cultural diversity, dispelling stereotypes, and recognizing the individuality of people from different backgrounds. Through personal anecdotes and insights, the author encourages readers to engage thoughtfully with different cultures.