When my partner Jack was a child, his father faced several years of unemployment, leaving his mother as the primary provider. It’s a period that my mother-in-law recalls with immense pride, having worked tirelessly to support her family. Meanwhile, my father-in-law dismissively refers to that time as “the years I babysat Jack.”
This characterization is, frankly, infuriating. The notion that when a father engages in the day-to-day caregiving of his child, it’s merely babysitting is absurd. Mothers “nurture” and fathers “babysit”? I strongly disagree, as my partner’s involvement with our child is far from babysitting.
Typical Babysitting Behavior?
Take this past Saturday, for instance. I had a deadline to meet before noon, and Jack volunteered to look after our 16-month-old while I worked. Shortly after he took the toddler downstairs for breakfast, who comes wandering back upstairs but our little one, fork in hand and ready for a game. I found Jack snoozing comfortably on the couch.
Would you consider that typical babysitting behavior? Absolutely not. That babysitter would be fired.
Contrasting Styles
When our regular caregiver arrives, she brings an array of engaging activities for my son. In contrast, Jack prefers to take our child to the hardware store to pick up light bulbs.
The babysitter cleans up after lunch; Jack, on the other hand, has taken the batteries out of the smoke alarms after an unsuccessful pizza attempt. I would be alarmed if a babysitter did something like that.
The babysitter gives baths and gets our child into pajamas for bedtime. Jack, however, sometimes puts our son to bed in the clothes he wore all day, sticky hands and all. Any babysitter who did that would not be invited back.
The babysitter soothes our fussy child with gentle songs and cuddles. Jack, however, has no qualms about letting him roll around on the floor of the home improvement store. I wouldn’t find that acceptable if a babysitter did the same.
Health and Hygiene
When our child is unwell, the babysitter adheres to my instructions for administering medication and keeps me updated. In contrast, Jack takes our toddler to the mall when he’s sick. I would have serious concerns if a babysitter acted similarly.
The babysitter teaches our son proper handwashing techniques, while Jack thinks it’s hilarious to encourage him to flush the toilet at every opportunity. Not exactly the skill set I’d look for in a caregiver.
Different Priorities
While the child sleeps, the babysitter tidies up and then reads peacefully on the couch. Jack steps outside to tackle yard work. While I appreciate the effort, I would prefer a babysitter to stay indoors while the baby is resting.
The babysitter receives payment for her services. Jack, however, enjoys the company of a cheerful child and a loving partner.
Trusting Jack
Would I trust Jack to care for our child? Absolutely not. His approach is far too relaxed and carefree. His parenting style diverges significantly from mine or that of our caregiver. He doesn’t embody the nurturing quality of a mother and certainly doesn’t fit the mold of a conventional babysitter, so let’s stop using that term.
This carefree attitude does concern me. I wish he would adopt a more cautious approach, similar to mine or that of the babysitter. I want him to experience the same underlying anxiety I feel daily for our child’s safety—an anxiety that compels me to be vigilant with our most precious gift. I envision him wrapping our child in bubble wrap while only allowing play with foam blocks to ensure safety.
The Unique Bond
In my experience, fathers can struggle as babysitters. However, they often excel as dads. I recognize that my child benefits immensely from the unique bond he shares with his father, just as he does from me or any caregiver. The outings to the hardware store in footie pajamas are invaluable. The moments spent together outweigh any questionable meals. Even if our son tumbles off a slide meant for older kids while running a slight fever, he knows his father loves and protects him in a special way.
While I may fret when I’m away, Jack and our son will be laughing and exploring, creating memories at parks, malls, and even during spontaneous water fights. They might indulge in too much spicy food or play with stray dogs, resulting in scraped knees. When I return, I’ll wash those hands and kiss those scrapes, and together—mom, dad, and child—we’ll be better for it.
Further Reading
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Summary
This article humorously critiques the notion that fathers simply “babysit” when they take on parenting roles. It contrasts the author’s partner’s carefree style with a professional babysitter’s more structured approach, ultimately celebrating the unique and valuable bond between father and child.