What do you say to yourself after making a mistake? For many years, I didn’t have a response. I would simply wallow in a cloud of shame.
When an error occurs, an immediate instinct kicks in—a voice that echoes in your mind, often rooted in early childhood experiences. What does your inner dialogue sound like? Mine is reminiscent of an old reprimand from my father. At about 10 years old, I spoke out inappropriately during math class. This led to a phone call home, and I found myself seated on the pristine couch from my grandparents’ upscale apartment. My father’s low voice reverberated in my ears: “You’ve brought shame to our family.”
In that moment, I felt as if the walls were closing in, as if every Litchfield was aware of my blunder. That was the extent of the punishment—no further discussions, no exploration of my feelings or the context of my actions. I was left to ponder alone why I retreated into my shell of shame each time I faltered. I was diligent in my efforts to be perfect, and whenever I stumbled, I went into hiding.
I often marveled at others who seemed to brush off their mistakes effortlessly; I assumed they possessed a strength I lacked. However, the truth is, how we are taught to cope with errors during childhood is crucial for navigating future setbacks.
Four Empowering Phrases to Adopt
So, here are four empowering phrases to adopt: “Do better next time.” As Maya Angelou wisely stated, “When you know better, you do better.” She doesn’t suggest that when you err, you should punish yourself with shame. That’s not constructive.
Some individuals turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms when shame arises. It’s possible that the roots of addiction stem from an inability to accept one’s imperfections. Mistakes are not just hurdles; they are part of the learning curve. Just like a child learns to walk or an Olympic diver masters their craft through countless attempts and failures.
Living in the moment becomes impossible when you’re entrenched in guilt. Accepting your actions and resolving to improve is the first step toward moving forward.
When a child makes a mistake, what guidance should we provide? Dr. Elara Thompson, in her insightful book, emphasizes the need for self-forgiveness and compassion. Mistakes should be viewed as opportunities for growth rather than occasions for punishment.
To foster a fear-free environment for children, we must eliminate any notion of wrongdoing. This allows them to internalize that they are still valued individuals despite their mistakes. When kids see us navigate our own errors gracefully, they learn to embrace their vulnerabilities as well.
Reflecting on my experience, I wish I had a parent who helped me understand the reasons behind my actions. Such guidance could have paved the way for meaningful change.
So, what inner voice do you hear when you err? Try adopting the phrase “Do better next time” and observe how it reshapes your perspective. Mistakes are an inevitable part of life—acknowledge them, learn from them, and then let them go. Embracing this mindset can be liberating.
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Summary
Embracing the mindset of “Do better next time” can help individuals move past mistakes. This approach fosters self-forgiveness and encourages a constructive perspective on errors, both for adults and children.