“Smart minds, kiddo.” This is a phrase I frequently share with my children when we share similar thoughts. “Smart minds!” I sometimes follow it up with, “If I had a dollar…” and leave it hanging. On particularly nostalgic days, I might say, “If I had a nickel…” but I suspect my kids don’t realize that the shiny coins they play with can actually buy things. They seem more inclined to appreciate paper bills, so I stick to currency they understand.
I often wonder if my kids are perplexed by these expressions. It’s possible they’ll grow up to analyze these half-finished phrases in college, pondering, “Smart minds…are superior to average minds? Smart minds…live inside whole skulls? WHAT COULD THE REST OF THAT PHRASE BE!?” But with Google at their fingertips, they’re likely to dismiss my idiomatic quirks in favor of the vast knowledge of the Internet.
Truth be told, I don’t use these phrases for their benefit. They’re more for my own amusement. Like many adults, I have certain verbal habits that serve as substitutes for more thoughtful replies. For example, I say “Kool and the Gang” when I mean to express approval, “Ground Control to Major Tom” when I want someone to focus, and “chill, biscuit” when I think it’s time to calm down. I might as well be speaking a different language. Kool and the Gang? Celebrate good times, especially when your mother invokes bands you only hear at weddings.
Another favorite of mine is, “It’s your funeral.” I like to paint vivid pictures when critiquing their decisions. For instance, I want them to understand that not wearing a jacket could lead to dire consequences. “You don’t need a coat for the bus, kid. Hey, it’s your funeral.”
Just as kids adopt slang to connect with their peers while keeping their parents guessing, parents also drop expressions and sayings to create a sense of distance and mystery. I’ve been grappling with the phrase “gotta see a man about a horse” since my father first used it in the 1980s. Perhaps he wanted a quirky euphemism or simply enjoyed being odd.
Keeping my kids in the dark about my language is one of the small perks of parenthood. It’s akin to the parental instinct that prompts us to say “maybe” and “we’ll see.” Or do we use such phrases to project an image of wisdom? Kids expect knowledge and guidance from us, not realizing we often struggle with opening a stubborn jar of jelly ourselves. Yet, if I assert that “this thing is tighter than a duck’s ass, which is waterproof!” they might admire my apparent expertise on avian anatomy.
Reflecting on the weight of adulthood and parenting, it’s astounding to think about being responsible for taxes and registering kids for pee-wee soccer. The other day I ate half a ham sandwich before noticing the bread was moldy. If we can’t manage bread, how are we expected to navigate the complexities of raising children? Perhaps being cryptic serves to maintain the facade that we have everything under control, wise as we are with our words. One day, when my kids are adults, they will realize that we are just winging it, much like they will be.
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In summary, the whimsical and sometimes cryptic phrases we parents use can confuse our children while serving as a way to cope with the pressures of adulthood. Our quirky expressions may leave them scratching their heads now, but they’ll come to realize that we, too, are navigating the complexities of life, often without a clear map.