As parents prepare their children for college, it’s common for mothers to engage in conversations with their daughters about the serious issues of sexual assault and personal safety on campus. Given the alarming rise in reported cases, it’s crucial for parents to address these topics. However, as Dr. James Carter, a specialist in adolescent health, points out, college also poses significant sexual vulnerabilities for young men.
In a revealing commentary for a health publication, Carter highlights that male-on-male sexual assaults are well-documented across various college campuses. Yet, instances of female-on-male sexual assaults often go unnoticed. The National Crime Victimization Survey from 2013 revealed that 38 percent of reported sexual violence cases involved male victims, with women being responsible for 46 percent of those assaults.
This issue is compounded by the societal myth that “real men” are always eager for sex. Carter observes that a disturbing number of young men—about 3 to 4 percent—report their first sexual encounters occurring before the age of 10. Alarmingly, many of these individuals do not perceive their experiences as abusive. He also notes older boys, aged 12 to college level, who have faced unwanted sexual advances from girls, including distressing encounters in their dorm rooms.
Carter emphasizes that these experiences can be particularly confusing for young men who have internalized the belief that masculinity equates to being perpetually receptive to sexual advances. This misconception often leads to shame for those who express hesitation or decline, with the term “gay” still carrying negative connotations in many circles. Consequently, these factors contribute to the underreporting of sexual assaults against boys and young men.
While there is an increasing awareness regarding the sexual vulnerability of women and girls, the same cannot be said for boys. The prevailing stereotype suggests that boys are always interested in sex, which undermines their experiences and potential victimization. Additionally, societal perceptions often overlook the possibility of sexual assault against males, given their generally larger physical stature.
As a mother of sons, I recognize the importance of teaching them about bodily autonomy and boundaries—ensuring they understand that no one has the right to touch them without consent. While I have primarily focused on the vulnerabilities of girls in their social circles, it’s essential to expand this dialogue to include discussions about their own boundaries and the skills to resist, protect themselves from, and report any form of assault.
Carter acknowledges that while the prevalence of sexual assault among boys may not be as widespread as it is for girls, further research is necessary to better understand the issue. Educating young men about their rights and responsibilities regarding their bodies and sexual encounters is crucial. The outdated myth that “real men” are always interested in sex must be dismantled.
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In summary, it is vital for parents to engage their sons in conversations about consent, boundaries, and the complexities of sexual interactions. By doing so, we can foster a more informed and respectful generation that values consent and understands the nuances of sexual relationships.