From the age of 9, I was the unfortunate victim of a series of disastrous hairstyles. My mother, in her quest to manage my fine, unruly hair, believed that a home perm was the answer. The result? I looked like a Chia Pet from the 1980s, complete with pink rollers that were so tight they made my scalp scream for relief. The chemicals were overwhelming, and after the final rinse, all I could do was look at my spiraled hair in the mirror and sigh, “Well, this is it.”
The underlying message, one my mother never intended to convey, was that something was fundamentally wrong with me—specifically, my hair and my true self. I absorbed this idea without question, leading me to continue perming my hair into destruction well into my twenties, during an era that celebrated excess in everything, from hair to fashion. Surrounded by girls who sported impressive volumes of frizz, I mistakenly believed that my natural hair was unacceptable.
Now, as I navigate parenting, I strive to avoid sending similar unspoken criticisms to my daughters. It’s a challenge, as even well-meaning comments can have unintended consequences. Before I express my opinions, I remind myself to consider how my words will be interpreted.
Examples of Miscommunication
For instance:
- What I said: “Are you certain you want to wear those green plaid shorts with the pink-and-black zebra shirt? Maybe reconsider?” [Bite lip.] “Alright, if that’s what you want.”
What my daughter heard: “You think my outfit is awful, and I can’t choose my own clothes.” - What I said: “That side ponytail is a bit messy.”
What my daughter heard: “You think my hairstyle is silly.” - What I said: “I can see your butt crack in those jeans.”
What my daughter heard: “You think I’m too big for my pants.” - What I said: “When did you last wash your hair? Just curious.”
What my daughter heard: “Criticism, criticism, criticism.” - What I said: “Your friend wears her cutoffs a little high on the leg.”
What my daughter heard: “You think my friend is inappropriate, maybe even promiscuous.” - What I said: “If you saved your allowance like your sister does instead of spending it immediately, you could buy that cool new Lego set, too.”
What my daughter heard: “You think my sister is superior. Maybe you love her more.”
These examples illustrate the fine line between guidance and criticism in parenting. Our children often internalize our assessments, even if they respond with sass. As I work through the tangles in my youngest daughter’s fine, knotted hair after her shower, I fight the urge to exclaim, “Let’s just cut this off!” While I may dislike her tangles, they are a part of her, and that’s perfectly okay. I wouldn’t change a thing about who my daughters are at their core.
For more insights on home insemination, check out this post on baby maker home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo. When it comes to fertility and genetics, ask the experts for trusted advice. Additionally, if you’re seeking information on treating infertility, this resource is invaluable.
In summary, as parents, we must be mindful of our words and their potential impact on our children. By fostering a supportive environment, we can help our kids embrace their true selves without the weight of unintended judgments.