Here I am, standing before you with a flip phone in hand, earnestly asking for your understanding.
I can hear your thoughts. Yes, I reside near Lancaster, Pennsylvania, but no, I’m not part of the Amish community. Interestingly, I know several Anabaptists who, despite their lifestyle choices, are currently enjoying the latest Apple Watch on their way home from the market.
While the Amish may prefer to keep their phones in the barn rather than bring them into their homes, I’ve noticed that even they have access to some pretty advanced technology. Picture me attempting to contact an Amish construction firm using my flip phone:
Me: Hi there, I need a shed built in my backyard.
Mr. Miller: Sure, we’re busy at the moment. Can you text me the dimensions?
Me: I’m afraid texting isn’t my strong suit. Can I email you instead?
Mr. Miller: Email? That’s a bit outdated for us. Perhaps my cousin in Ohio still uses it, but she’s a tad old-fashioned.
Sure, my phone has some texting capabilities, but with enough time and frustration, I can manage to send a message that reads something like, “Whem r u goimg tm be hme?” or “thnx fr te brTHDYm eSSAG!!!%%.” When that cheerful “ding!” signals a reply, I break out into a cold sweat. What if the response leads to more questions? Oh no, what if they ask for an address and I need to type a number? The anxiety is real.
It’s entirely possible that I will grow old, gray, and still clutching my flip phone, still unable to send “415 East 23rd Street” properly.
“So what exactly are you?” you might ask. “Are you some sort of tech-challenged individual?” You assure me it’s said affectionately.
Yes, I suppose I am a bit of a doofus, and I take no offense. My fondness for this flip phone stems from the sheer cost of smartphones. Even when the device is free, the accompanying service plan isn’t. With three kids who all need phones—though they’d argue that a flip phone doesn’t count—I’d be forced to choose between paying my phone bill or keeping the lights on and water running.
I hear you talk about affordable smartphone plans, and I promise to think it over. But my tech confusion doesn’t end there.
I often struggle to keep track of how people prefer to reach me. Some send texts, others leave voicemails, and a few only contact me via Facebook. Then there are those who catch me in the school lobby and launch into long monologues about upcoming events, leaving me overwhelmed and searching for an escape route. By the time they hit the 24th word, I’m mentally checked out, wishing for a place where I can avoid volunteering for anything ever again.
I’ve learned that honesty is my best policy. “I’m a bit of a doofus and prone to forgetfulness,” I admit. “Also, I’m not an Anabaptist. Instead of texting, could you kindly email me all this detailed information? I promise to read it later when my panic subsides.” Most people are gracious enough to humor my request, with the notable exception of the Amish construction workers.
Another reason I haven’t upgraded to a smartphone is that I have a tradition of dropping my phone in a creek during hikes, running over it with my car, or having it fly out of my purse and shatter into countless pieces. All of this feels more manageable when my phone costs just $9.
Despite my outdated approach to technology, I’m an avid screen user. Having a flip phone ensures that I occasionally look up and engage with the world around me—an important skill for someone who is already prone to walking into walls.
So, while I may be a tech doofus, I embrace my flip phone lifestyle, and it allows me to stay present in a way that I might otherwise overlook.
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Summary:
In a digital age dominated by smartphones, one mother shares her experiences and challenges of using a flip phone. Embracing her unique lifestyle, she highlights the financial burdens of modern technology, the confusion of communication methods, and the benefits of being present in the physical world. Through humorous anecdotes, she articulates her journey as a self-proclaimed tech doofus, advocating for simplicity while navigating motherhood.