Updated: March 19, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 5, 2017
As a parent, I did everything I could to sidestep the whole potty training process. Admittedly, part of it was sheer laziness, but the vivid memories of sharing a bathroom with my younger siblings played a significant role. Those delightful days of sticky floors and toilet seats dusted with yellow spots were enough to make anyone cringe. My morning routine often felt like it was unfolding in a sketchy roadside restroom.
However, as I delayed this necessary milestone, my social media feed exploded with fellow parents proudly announcing their children’s potty training victories. I couldn’t blame them—kudos to little Max for acing Day 2 of his toilet training! But I remained skeptical. After all, can you really trust what you see on Facebook?
For every glowing post about a child’s success, I could imagine some hidden mess lurking in the corners of their homes. Eventually, I could no longer ignore the reality of the situation when my son’s preschool teacher insisted that I send him to school in underwear because he was doing “so well” with potty time. I felt the color drain from my face, but she was unwavering in her enthusiasm.
“Oh, it’s easy!” she chirped. “Just toss a Cheerio in the toilet. He’ll try to sink it like a game!”
Just. Like. A. Game. Why those words didn’t echo in my mind like a warning bell, I’ll never understand. As it turns out, using cereal as a target for a toddler with poor aim was not the worst advice I would receive during this journey.
Allow me to express my disdain for the terrible potty training tips I encountered. This is a public service announcement—you should definitely steer clear of this not-so-great advice.
“Make it fun with a Cheerio target!”
Remember that carnival game where you spray water at a target to win a prize? Now imagine a toddler wielding a phallic object and a Cheerio as their target, spinning around the bathroom. Spoiler alert: nobody wins here, except for the stains on your floor. Do yourself a favor—keep the cereal for breakfast.
“Have some Skittles on hand for bribery!”
This might work for the rule-followers, but for my sneaky little guy? Not a chance. He quickly figured out that he could stretch out his bathroom trips to maximize his candy rewards. After a bag of sugar-fueled chaos and a near miss with a UTI, we ditched the bribery. We decided that the ultimate reward for using the potty is simply not having to sit in wet pants. Congrats, kid—you’ve earned yourself a few hours without soggy britches!
“Buy that cute singing potty!”
Initially, I thought I had hit the jackpot with this one. The congratulatory tune and fake flush were charming—until the creepy singing started in the dead of night. Waking up to an eerie child’s voice echoing through the bathroom is genuinely terrifying. I found myself pulling the covers over my head, praying that the haunted toy would stop its serenade. Trust me, skip the singing potty; unless you want to keep an exorcist on speed dial.
“Tell your child that poop is fish food!”
While this is undoubtedly bad advice, the entertainment value is off the charts. Watching your child’s face morph from confusion to horror when you explain that “Dory and Nemo need a snack!” is priceless. Does it motivate them to go potty? Not in the least. But it is hysterical.
Despite the avalanche of poor advice, we eventually found our rhythm. Potty training, like so many aspects of parenting, is all about figuring out what works for your family. Now, I can proudly join the ranks of those parents boasting about my child’s toilet triumphs. I’ve even become an expert on the subject. Have you tried the Cheerio sink challenge? It’s surprisingly effective!
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In summary, while I encountered a plethora of misguided potty training advice, we ultimately discovered our own path to success. Every parent’s journey is unique, and with a little patience, you too can emerge victorious in this rite of passage.