As parents, we often resist the notion that some babies are inherently more difficult than others. It’s easy to feel a pang of guilt when our little ones are particularly fussy, picky, or challenging. We tend to believe that our parenting skills are directly correlated to our children’s behavior, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Yet, the truth is that some infant temperaments are simply beyond our control. As pediatrician Dr. Lisa Bennett expressed in a recent article, “some babies are just more challenging than others.”
In her insightful piece, Dr. Bennett discusses her experiences as a pediatrician, noting that some babies naturally exhibit traits that make parenting more demanding. Sleepless nights, selective eating, and emotional attachment issues are frequently misinterpreted as failures on the parent’s part. However, Dr. Bennett argues that these behaviors often have little to do with parenting techniques.
“Within the spectrum of developmentally normal children, there are parents who face significantly tougher challenges than others,” Dr. Bennett states. “Children are unique individuals… We often celebrate the easy ones while agonizing over the behaviors of those who are more difficult.”
Dr. Bennett recalls her own experiences: her first child was a restless sleeper who didn’t achieve a full night’s sleep until well after the age of two. Conversely, her second child adapted to sleep patterns without issue, even though both were raised with the same approaches. Some attributes are simply part of a child’s nature and may not respond to any parenting strategies we employ, regardless of whose advice we follow.
This is not to downplay the importance of our parenting choices. While some behaviors indeed reflect our practices, it’s essential to recognize that each child comes with their own temperament. “Certainly, some challenges can be traced back to parenting styles and habits,” Dr. Bennett notes. “But any parent who has raised two children with vastly different temperaments will tell you that sometimes it’s just the luck of the draw.”
Parenting is undeniably a demanding journey, and it’s natural to question whether we are doing things right. We may inflate our sense of control over situations—believing that if our child enjoys healthy foods, it’s due to our superior parenting skills, while if they cling to a pacifier at age four, it’s a reflection of our shortcomings.
In reality, we wield far less influence than we often assume, and it’s time to ease the pressure we place on both ourselves and our children. Kids develop at their own pace and follow their individual timelines. Most will eventually transition through milestones like potty training or giving up pacifiers, as Dr. Bennett reassures us. “In the long run,” she writes, “most parents and children find themselves looking back on these challenges with a sense of nostalgia.”
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In summary, not every baby fits neatly into the “easy” or “hard” categories; some children inherently come with their own challenges that have little to do with parenting practices. Recognizing this can alleviate some of the pressure we put on ourselves and allow us to enjoy the unique journey of raising our children.