The first time it happened was just after the holiday season. I decided to introduce tofu to my 9-month-old son at a local Asian restaurant. When we returned home, he settled down for a nap. An hour later, I was jolted awake by his cries and gagging. He ended up vomiting to the point of severe dehydration. The doctor later informed me it was likely a flu that was circulating.
Fast forward six weeks, and we found ourselves back at the ER after another attempt at tofu. This time, it was confirmed: my sweet little boy had a soy allergy. The overwhelming guilt I felt for inadvertently causing such a reaction was immense. Watching him struggle with these episodes at such a young age was truly heartbreaking, but it was just the beginning of our challenges.
I often heard stories from other moms whose kids barely got sick until they turned two or who experienced just one cold in their first year. Was I missing something? This was far from our reality. While my son’s food allergy might have contributed to his health issues, I suspected it wasn’t the only factor. All I knew was that he was constantly battling germs.
Maybe I’m biased, but I didn’t consider him to be an especially messy child. Sure, he occasionally touched questionable surfaces or licked shopping cart handles, but I felt he was pretty typical for a toddler.
As he approached two, his illnesses seemed to multiply. Within six months—those same six months when I was pregnant with our second child—he experienced pneumonia, a UTI, hand, foot, and mouth disease, numerous colds, and at least two stomach flu episodes. It felt like he was perpetually lounging on the couch, moaning in discomfort.
Witnessing his suffering was tough, especially after spending 18 months navigating his allergies and realizing just how prevalent soy was in packaged foods. Guilt began to creep in, and I started blaming myself for his frequent illnesses. I wondered if our urban setting in Los Angeles was to blame, or if I wasn’t diligent enough with handwashing. Maybe I should be using essential oils or cutting out grains from his diet, or introducing more “phytonutrients.”
Friends and family began commenting on how my kids (with the addition of a second little one) were always sick, as if we were in a constant battle against illness. Suggestions poured in, from vitamins to better sanitizing practices at the grocery store. Some even claimed my house might be too clean!
I found myself tirelessly researching solutions, buying pricey “immunity” products, and forcing my kids to consume unappealing mixtures in search of a miracle. For a while, it felt like some of these efforts paid off, but soon enough, another illness would strike.
During one of our many pediatrician visits, I pleaded for guidance. “What am I doing wrong? How can I help him?” I asked desperately. His suggestion? Avoid gatherings with other children. Really? That seemed overly simplistic. Surely, there had to be more to it than just germs from playmates! But my doctor reassured me there wasn’t anything fundamentally wrong with my son; illness is simply a part of growing up.
Eventually, I confronted the misconception that I was a bad mom for not being able to shield my son from germs. This thought had gnawed at me, day after day. I often wondered how often other moms’ kids fell ill or how frequently they sanitized their environments. I scrutinized my parenting choices until I realized the truth.
I loved my son, provided him with nutritious meals, and ensured he had daily outdoor play and social interaction. Sure, we could have cut down on screen time, and he did get sweets occasionally, but he wasn’t overindulging. In reality, I wasn’t the cause of his frequent sicknesses. My pediatrician was correct—if I wanted to completely avoid germs, we would have to live in a bubble.
I didn’t need to carry the burden of guilt any longer. And if your children seem to be little germ factories too, you shouldn’t either. Take comfort in knowing that unless you’re feeding them strange concoctions from a questionable source, it’s likely not your fault. Kids simply get sick.
Could they benefit from more sleep or less sugar? Absolutely. Could we be more vigilant with disinfecting surfaces? Perhaps. But the honest truth is that most of us are doing our best, and if there were a foolproof way to keep our kids healthy all the time, we would certainly find it.
So, when your little ones come down with a minor cold or something more severe like a stomach bug, don’t lay the blame on yourself. Offer them care and comfort; whether it’s with medicine or a soothing touch, remind yourself that being there for them is what truly matters—not whether they got sick in the first place.
Next time the germs invade your home, instead of worrying about whether you’ve sanitized enough or if you’ve provided the right nutrition, focus on nurturing your little ones back to health. And remember the joyful moments you’ve shared with them—the bedtime stories, dance parties, and warm snuggles. These memories are the reminders that having sick kids doesn’t define your worth as a mother, and neither does it for anyone else.
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Summary:
Navigating childhood illnesses can be overwhelming for parents, leading to feelings of guilt and self-doubt. It’s important to remember that frequent sickness in kids is often a normal part of growing up. While we can strive to improve our children’s health through better nutrition and hygiene, we shouldn’t blame ourselves for their illnesses. Instead, we should focus on providing love and care during their sick days, knowing that being a good parent is about our support and nurturing, not about preventing every illness.