In the chaotic world of parenthood, we often find ourselves grappling with feelings of inadequacy. Recently, I spoke with two dear relatives who both confided in me, saying, “I feel like a bad mom.” While their reasons differed, the underlying emotions of doubt and pain were strikingly similar. They both felt that, at that moment, they weren’t measuring up as mothers.
I usually focus on the lighter side of parenting, but I felt compelled to share a recent, nerve-wracking experience of mine that encapsulates the self-judgment many moms endure. After dropping my children off at school, my youngest son and I were in the basement. I was busy folding laundry while he played nearby. When he announced he was going to fetch his blanket from upstairs, I thought nothing of it—after all, he’s almost three, and a quick trip upstairs seemed harmless.
A few moments later, I noticed his unusual silence, followed by a faint cry. Panic set in as I dashed upstairs, only to find the front door wide open and my son outside. In a mere three minutes, he had managed to unlock the door and slip out, trying to open the car door, and in his frustration, he couldn’t get back inside. Relief washed over me when I saw he was unharmed, but it quickly morphed into sheer terror—what if he had wandered too far or encountered danger?
The guilt hit hard. I berated myself for not hearing the door alarm we had installed for safety, for trusting him to be upstairs alone, and for not simply going with him to retrieve the blanket. As the adrenaline faded, self-doubt crept in, and I found myself thinking, “I’m a HORRIBLE mom.” The fear of judgment from those around me loomed large. Would my neighbors think I was negligent?
Despite the happy outcome—my son was safe and my husband promptly added a chain lock to the door that evening—the feelings of inadequacy lingered. I was left grappling with the nagging thought that I had somehow failed.
It’s easy to be our own worst critics, especially in parenting. We often set incredibly high standards for ourselves, driven by the deep love we have for our children. We want to provide them with the best—our time, our energy, everything. When we inevitably fall short, we can be harsher on ourselves than anyone else would be.
This realization is important, especially in a world where headlines often highlight the worst parental behaviors. While those are undeniably bad parents, it’s ironic how quickly we label ourselves with the same terms when we feel we’ve let our kids down.
Be Kind to Yourself
So here’s my advice: Be kind to yourself. If you’re questioning your parenting abilities, it’s likely you’re doing a better job than you think. Embrace your imperfections, learn from your mistakes, and remember to forgive yourself. And, of course, consider adding a chain lock to your front door for peace of mind.
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In summary, remember that parenting missteps do not define your worth as a mom. It’s our love for our children that drives us, and acknowledging our humanity is crucial.