At first, I thought I was just being overly dramatic about my memory slips. I found myself frustrated by what felt like a mental fog and an inability to hold onto information. Initially, I chalked it up to the realization that I might not be as sharp as I once believed. However, as these memory lapses became more frequent and noticeable, I had to confront the fact that they were indeed unusual. I dubbed it my “cloudy mind.”
It wasn’t just the occasional forgetting why I walked into a room; it was forgetting the carpool schedule, drawing a blank on my kid’s birthday, or realizing I had recounted the same story to a friend multiple times. I also struggled to find everyday words that should have been right at the tip of my tongue. Entire conversations, procedures, and events would simply vanish from my memory.
During collaborative work, when a colleague explained a service and what steps we needed to take, I would listen intently, only to forget the crucial details shortly after. This forced me to dig through old messages and search for keywords to remind myself of our discussions. My job, like many others, relies heavily on memory, so I resorted to creating detailed outlines to keep track of what I was supposed to do. At times, it felt like I was retaining almost nothing without those notes.
To combat this issue, I’ve adapted my behavior. Everything important must be documented; I have countless lists covering everything from school projects to the steps for preparing invoices. When I mentioned my cloudy mind to my therapist, she immediately understood. “Stress can definitely affect memory,” she explained. “Your body is flooded with cortisol, which keeps you in a state of heightened alertness.”
This stress began over a year ago when my partner and I separated after I came out as gay. Even though our split was mostly amicable, divorce inevitably brings its own set of pressures. With two children involved, there were countless details to sort out as we transitioned into our new family dynamic.
Simultaneously, I was grappling with concerns about acceptance from family and friends. Would some of them turn against me? While I tried to ignore these fears, the effort to remain indifferent was exhausting. The entire process of separating while coming out has been incredibly draining, and of course, it has affected my memory.
Initially, when I joked about having dementia, my friends would laugh it off. “You’re being ridiculous,” they’d say. But it’s a genuine concern for me, especially since two of my grandparents dealt with dementia. I long for the mental clarity I once had—the ability to remember details effortlessly and confidently engage in discussions.
For a long time, it was believed that significant memory issues occurred primarily in individuals over 50. We often hear about “mommy brain,” which affects women during pregnancy and tends to fade once children become more independent. However, the memory challenges I’m facing are less frequently acknowledged and are only now being studied in younger populations.
Recent research published in the journal Neurology found a connection between elevated cortisol levels—often due to stress or anxiety—and poorer memory and visual perception. This also correlates with reduced brain volume, particularly in women. Fun fact: it appears that brain shrinkage is more pronounced in female brains.
While some stress is a normal part of being human, chronic stress can keep our panic response perpetually activated. This constant state of alert causes cortisol levels to remain high, leading to anxiety, depression, and memory issues. Keith Fargo, director of scientific programs for the Alzheimer’s Association, noted that our brains are nutrient-hungry organs; when the body is overwhelmed by stress, resources are diverted away from brain function. This aligns with what my therapist mentioned.
Understanding that my memory issues are not just in my head has been a relief. Now, as my divorce nears completion, I’m focusing on regaining control over my stress. I’ve started incorporating CBD supplements to help manage anxiety, alongside prioritizing sleep, nutritious eating, and regular exercise. These changes have positively influenced my daily stress and anxiety levels—fingers crossed they help restore my memory too.
For more information about coping with anxiety and memory struggles, check out this resource on pregnancy and home insemination at https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/pregnancy. If you’re interested in similar topics, you might find our discussion on memory and anxiety at https://homeinsemination.gay/?tag=mid-30s engaging, as well as insights from https://intracervicalinsemination.com/?p=14241.
In Summary
The connection between anxiety and memory issues is real. By managing stress and taking proactive steps, it’s possible to reclaim mental clarity.