During a recent week-long mommy-and-me museum camp, I found myself observing a rather troubling scenario unfold. A charming little boy, just 4 years old, darted from one unfamiliar child to another, insisting on hugging them tightly and attempting to plant kisses on their surprised faces. The children he targeted clearly communicated their discomfort, some even appearing frightened, yet he persisted, seemingly oblivious to their signals.
While many kids voiced their displeasure with shouts of “Stop it!” and some ran to their mothers for safety, the adults around me reacted with smiles and laughter, as if to say, “Isn’t that adorable? What a little charmer!” Not once did the boy’s mother intervene to remind him that unwanted physical affection—regardless of intent—is simply unacceptable. Likewise, the teacher stayed silent, and no parent in the group raised a concern about this inappropriate behavior.
I must admit, I remained silent too, as my daughter was not one of his targets. This inaction still weighs heavily on my conscience.
On that final day of camp, the little boy attempted his unwanted embrace one too many times, and a feisty little girl finally defended herself by giving him a gentle jab in the nose. He burst into tears, and his mother rushed to comfort him. Meanwhile, the girl’s mother felt compelled to apologize to the boy’s mom and chastised her daughter for defending herself.
This is where the irony lies. What message are we sending to our children by allowing inappropriate behavior to go unchecked? If any adult, including myself, had stepped in earlier, perhaps this little girl wouldn’t have felt the need to resort to physical defense.
Let’s be clear: this behavior was not the fault of the 4-year-old boy. From the very first instance of him attempting to kiss an unwilling participant, an adult should have stepped in. The lesson on consent is crucial: “We don’t touch people who don’t want to be touched. Period.” Instead, his actions were likely encouraged by the giggles and coos of bystanders who found it cute.
From the onset, it’s imperative that we instill the concept of consent in our children. They must understand that their bodies belong to them alone and that they have the authority to allow or deny physical contact. We should empower them to ask for and obtain explicit permission before initiating any touching.
In our family, I don’t force my children to hug or kiss relatives. I encourage them to decide based on their feelings and relationships. If they prefer a high-five over a hug, that’s perfectly fine. We engage in candid conversations about privacy, who is allowed to see them undressed (only their parents for practical reasons, and a doctor when necessary), and the importance of personal boundaries.
I sincerely hope that if my children ever face harassment or unwanted attention, they will know how to stand up for themselves. If that means they need to channel their inner champion, I want them to be prepared to do so effectively.
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In summary, it’s crucial to teach our children about consent from a young age. We must ensure they understand their boundaries and have the confidence to advocate for themselves. By doing so, we can help create a culture where respect and personal autonomy are prioritized.