Scrolling through social media often leaves me disheartened. It’s troubling to see discussions attributing tragic student suicides solely to mental health issues, overly strict parenting, or academic pressure. The truth is, we don’t have all the answers. Families affected by these tragedies rarely come forward with clear explanations, and even if they did, it might not reveal the real problems impacting our youth today. As local teen Lily Sanders wisely put it, “Parents, take a breath.”
To every parent reading this, I urge you to accept that your child is unlikely to gain admission to elite institutions like Stanford or Harvard. Yes, you read that right. Your child probably isn’t getting into the college you have in mind. You might counter my point by mentioning someone else’s child who is at Stanford and aced their SATs. That’s great, but with Stanford’s admission rate dropping below 5 percent last year, let’s be realistic.
In the spirit of addressing these concerns, I’ll share common questions posed by parents and my candid responses to them. I didn’t answer these queries at the time they were asked, but I’ll provide insights here based on my understanding of admissions processes and my experiences as a community leader and parent.
Be prepared: my tone may be a bit cheeky, but I believe we all need to lighten up, just as Lily suggests. You’ll find a reward at the end—questions that I wish parents would ask instead. I genuinely hope this information proves valuable.
Common Questions Parents Ask
Freshman Parent: “My child is in honors math, and the homework takes three hours every night. If I pull her out, will I ruin her chances of getting into Stanford?”
If your ninth grader is spending three hours on homework for one subject, that’s a serious issue. This isn’t merely about college admissions; it’s about managing time. With five or six subjects, there simply aren’t enough hours in a day for that much homework. Reach out to the teacher or the school. Don’t let your child be overwhelmed like this.
Sophomore Parent: “My son has a ‘B’ in English. What can I do to improve his chances for Ivy League schools? Would an exotic summer trip help offset the grade?”
Here’s the reality: you can’t salvage someone else’s academic situation. Your son’s grades are his responsibility, not yours. And while it’s tempting to think that a service trip would balance things out, let’s be honest—those are distractions, not solutions.
Junior Parent: “How important are grades? Can a student with ‘B’s still get into Ivy League schools?”
Grades do matter, and yes, students with ‘B’s can still find success in admissions. But the competition is fierce, and the odds are not in your favor.
Senior Parent: “My child is applying to 19 colleges.”
That’s not even a question; that’s a cause for concern. Please, let’s rethink this approach.
Junior Parent: “I had to sign a form allowing my son to take more AP classes than recommended to stay competitive.”
That’s an excuse, not a question. Limits exist for a reason. If you’re worried about competition among parents, that’s a different issue entirely.
Freshman Parent: “How many AP classes does my kid need to get into Yale? I hear kids are taking up to 22!”
A good target number is zero because, honestly, your child is probably not going to Yale. Did you miss that memo?
Parent: “I don’t think I pressure my child! Do you think I do?”
Well, wearing that Harvard hoodie and flying a Harvard flag might send a different message. Consider toning it down to avoid unnecessary pressure when admissions don’t go as planned.
Questions I Wish Parents Would Ask
How much sleep does my teen need?
Teens should be getting at least nine hours of sleep for their health. So, how does that affect homework time? If school ends at 3 p.m. and they need to wake up at 7 a.m., bedtime should be around 10 p.m. That leaves limited time for homework after school activities.
What if my kid has too much homework?
Speak up. Contact teachers. If necessary, prioritize sleep over homework and explain to teachers why you made that choice. Often, this will prompt a necessary conversation about workload.
What if my child won’t go to bed at 10 p.m.?
Take away electronics and enforce a bedtime. Remember, you set the rules in your home.
What if everyone is signing forms for more APs?
Don’t sign the form. You’re in charge. Taking on too many APs leads to burnout, and it’s usually not worth the stress.
Where should my kid go to college if interested in X?
Let’s have a meaningful discussion about this. Many excellent schools exist outside the Ivy League. Keep an open mind and consider a range of options that match your child’s interests.
How important are grades and scores?
While they matter, they’re not the only factors. Schools don’t just fill seats with perfect scores; they look for well-rounded individuals.
How can I motivate my child?
Encourage your child to strive for their best without pressuring them for perfection. Focus on learning rather than grades.
What if my child has perfect grades?
Even perfect grades don’t guarantee admission. Competition is intense, and many students are equally qualified.
I attended an Ivy; does that help my child?
Admissions have changed. The environment is different now, and many legacy students face rejection. It’s essential to let your child forge their own path.
What if my kid struggles to gain admission?
Your child should work with school counselors to develop a realistic list of colleges, including some that are more attainable.
How can I relieve pressure on my child?
Stop proclaiming that Harvard is the pinnacle of education from day one.
What should my kid do for a better shot at admission?
Encourage them to engage in their learning and pursue interests outside of school.
In conclusion, while the pressure to attend prestigious colleges can be overwhelming, it’s vital to remember that success comes in many forms. Focusing on well-being, balance, and genuine interests will ultimately serve your child better in the long run. For more information on fertility and home insemination, check out this great resource on donor insemination.