Parenting | Your Child Is Acting Entitled, and It’s Time for a Reality Check
by Jessica Harmon
Updated: Sep. 5, 2017
Originally Published: Aug. 9, 2016
It’s tough to face, but your child might be exhibiting some bratty behavior. Yes, that’s right. Your little one is whiny and somehow always gets what they want.
You’re undoubtedly striving to be a better parent than your own. Perhaps your childhood lacked attention; your parents were often preoccupied or unaware of your activities. Your father didn’t even know you played the flute or that you were in the marching band. Your mother frequently worked late, missing most of your field hockey games and occasionally forgetting to pick you up on time.
But you’re determined to do things differently. You want to ensure your child feels cherished and happy. You’re actively involved in their life, avoiding tardiness for pickups, planning fun activities, and asking countless questions. You want their experiences to be fulfilling because you never want them to feel let down.
However, mistakes are being made—mistakes that may be contributing to their entitled behavior. Here are some key reasons why:
We Engage in Negotiations
When your child desires something, negotiations begin. Phrases like “I’ll get you this if you behave” echo in stores everywhere. And when your child misbehaves, you often find yourself saying, “Okay, just one more chance.” This can quickly spiral into several chances. While negotiation can be useful, it requires setting firm boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.
We Tidy Up After Them
Sometimes, we reach a breaking point and can’t stand the mess anymore—dirty clothes, unmade beds, and spills everywhere. Yet, even with a chaotic room, your child continues to enjoy their planned activities and screen time. When you eventually take it upon yourself to clean, you’re reinforcing the idea that someone else will always pick up after them. This contributes to the sense of entitlement.
We Carry Their Belongings
Yes, that backpack is heavy. But when you routinely carry your child’s bag to the car, you’re doing too much. This fosters a sense of comfort and entitlement that isn’t healthy.
We Let Them Decide Dinner
I don’t recall ever being asked what I wanted for dinner as a child. It was simply served, and that was that. Dinner was a special occasion, not a negotiation. Kids need to learn that they won’t always get their preferences.
They Dictate Our Plans
“Sorry, we can’t go; Timmy has a game.” While it’s great to support their activities, sometimes your plans should take precedence. Kids can thrive even when parents miss a few games. In fact, they may perform better without you cheering from the sidelines.
We Prioritize Their Happiness
Here’s a reality check: kids aren’t meant to be happy all the time. It’s perfectly fine if they don’t always get their way. They need to understand that chores, family time, and other responsibilities matter too.
We Undermine Our Partners
A common parenting pitfall is when one parent says “no” and the other says “yes.” Kids quickly learn to play parents against each other. It’s crucial to present a united front.
We Avoid Giving Them Responsibilities
If your child isn’t helping with chores, they should be contributing in some way—whether it’s setting the table or caring for a pet. Without responsibilities, they may develop a lack of respect for work.
We Make Excuses for Poor Behavior
Bad behavior is just that—bad. Excusing it, such as saying they were tired or busy, only reinforces entitlement. Discipline is essential in raising well-rounded children.
We Challenge Authority
While it’s important to advocate for your child, you should encourage them to speak up for themselves first. If a teacher points out a lack of effort, it’s vital to listen. Arguing can teach children to disrespect authority and avoid accountability.
Being an attentive parent is commendable, but it’s essential to recognize how our actions can create issues. If we allow negotiations, excuse bad behavior, or carry our children’s burdens, we may inadvertently foster entitlement. They need to learn that sometimes, they have to deal with less-than-ideal situations—it builds character.
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In summary, while being involved in your child’s life is important, it’s equally crucial to set boundaries and allow them to experience the reality of life’s challenges. This balance will help prevent them from growing up entitled.