I vividly recall the first moments I felt a deep connection with each of my children. However, I also remember the first instances when I found myself struggling to enjoy their presence. My unwavering, protective love for my children has remained steadfast since the day they were born. In the early days of motherhood, I was under the impression that this immense love would see us through any challenge, believing that the adoration I felt for my little ones would ensure that my feelings for them would never falter.
Yet, I’ve come to realize that “love” and “like” are two distinct emotions. Love is unwavering and constant, while like can be a bit more unpredictable. Just because I have an abundance of love for my children doesn’t guarantee that I will always feel a sense of enjoyment in their company.
To clarify, I genuinely like my kids; I appreciate them as individuals. They are wonderful people. However, they have certainly gone through phases where being around them felt more like a task than a joy. Some of these periods have been so challenging or frustrating that I’ve found myself thinking, “Wow, I really don’t enjoy this child’s company at the moment.” I love them deeply, but that doesn’t always equate to liking them.
One particularly trying phase involved constant whining over the smallest issues—not whining to get their way, but whining whenever the world didn’t align with their desires. It was overwhelming. While I can love a child who whines, there comes a point where my “like” starts to fade away.
Another phase that tested my patience was the “annoying sounds” stage. Suddenly, every quiet moment was interrupted by random sound effects—beeping, screeching, and nonsensical singing at full volume. I love my kids, but sometimes I just need a break from the cacophony to rekindle my enjoyment of their company.
There have been moments of drama, stubbornness, and endless sibling squabbles, all of which have made it challenging to feel a sense of like for my kids. While these instances are rare, there have certainly been occasions when I could honestly say I didn’t particularly enjoy being around a specific child.
Initially, when I first experienced this disconnect, guilt washed over me. How could I not like my own child? I thought. This can’t be right! I reached out to my friend, Laura, a fellow mom, and tentatively asked, “Have you ever felt like you don’t really enjoy being around your kid? You love them but find it hard to cope with them sometimes?”
Without missing a beat, she replied, “Absolutely!” We shared our experiences, discussing the surprising and often overwhelming aspects of motherhood, including those challenging moments when our children test our patience. Neither of us judged the other for admitting that sometimes we just didn’t like one of our kids. (If you don’t have a mom friend, seriously consider finding one—it’s invaluable!)
If you’re in the early stages of parenthood, this feeling might seem hard to understand. My first experience with it came around age 7, but I had a relatively easy-going first child. Some kids may test the limits of your “like” much sooner, while others may seem like perfect angels. If you haven’t yet gone through a phase of not enjoying one or more of your children, just know that these moments may come, and they don’t reflect on your worth as a mother.
For those who have navigated these tricky times—or are currently in the thick of it—take heart. The beauty of childhood phases is their transience. No matter how trying they may be, they will pass. I always find my way back to enjoying my children again, often with such fervor that I forget the challenging phase ever existed.
It may sound harsh to admit that I don’t always enjoy my children, but it’s honest. I love them unconditionally, with every part of my being. However, love and like are not synonymous, and one doesn’t guarantee the other. You will always love your children, but you might not always like them—and that’s perfectly okay.
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In summary, while the journey of parenthood is filled with unconditional love, it’s normal to experience moments where you may not like your children as much. This ebb and flow are part of the parenting experience, and every challenging phase is temporary.