My son’s desk boasts a remarkable collection of trophies that he didn’t exactly earn. While it may not be the largest in the world—many kids likely have similar displays of accolades for simply participating—by the end of elementary school, he had amassed an impressive number of awards. To the untrained eye, it might seem like he was the star of the show.
To clarify, my son wasn’t a top athlete. In fact, he once asked his coach if he could sit out due to an itchy uniform, and during a local soccer tournament, he may have stumbled over the ball more times than anyone could count. Yet, he still received trophies that suggested he was a phenomenal athlete.
While some children are indeed exceptional and genuinely earn their trophies, it appears that a significant number simply receive accolades for merely showing up. I wholeheartedly believe in building my son’s self-esteem. Did I ever roll my eyes when he struck out in baseball? Absolutely not! Like any caring mother, I offered him a supportive “You did your best” look, coupled with a gentle reminder that maybe athleticism wasn’t his strong suit.
I support recognizing effort, but if there were an award for unwarranted self-confidence, my son would undoubtedly take first place. The notion of handing out trophies just for participation doesn’t align with my view of fostering true confidence.
If your child didn’t genuinely earn that trophy, what’s the reasoning behind it? Does it truly enhance self-esteem, or does it convey that mediocrity is acceptable? Are we nurturing a generation that believes merely showing up is enough? A colleague of mine, a college professor, has received multiple emails from parents questioning why their exceptionally bright children didn’t receive an A. Perhaps it’s because they didn’t earn it!
My hope is for my son to understand that effort and dedication are essential for achieving his goals. Wouldn’t life be uncomplicated if everyone received a trophy just for existing? Want to land your dream job? Just show up! Hoping to get into a prestigious PhD program? Acceptance letters for all!
I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t support our children or encourage them to engage in activities. Instead, when your child feels upset because a friend received a trophy at a swim meet while they didn’t, calmly explain that not everyone can win all the time. That shiny, metallic trophy may look appealing, but winning it for mere presence doesn’t motivate your child to strive for success. I want the best for my son, and I certainly don’t wish to be that parent calling his college professors years later, requesting an A on his assignments. My goal is for him to learn that hard work is what leads to genuine achievement.
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Summary
In summary, while participation trophies are well-intentioned, they may not foster genuine self-confidence or a strong work ethic in children. Encouraging kids to understand the value of hard work and effort is essential for their development. It’s crucial to communicate that not everyone can win all the time, and true achievement comes from dedication and perseverance.