We all recognize the clichés in romantic comedies where a geek ends up with the gorgeous prom queen. Think of films like Superbad, where a clumsy, just-graduated teen gets to have a mall romance with the alluring Emma Stone at the end. Or There’s Something About Mary, where after a series of mishaps, Cameron Diaz picks the awkward guy over more conventional choices. The list goes on with titles like Revenge of the Nerds and The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
And let’s not overlook the timeless stories where the overlooked girl captures the heart of the handsome guy. Patrick Swayze, with his smooth moves, shows us that “Nobody puts Baby in the corner,” while Molly Ringwald’s character in 16 Candles finds herself kissing her crush, Jake, on her sweet sixteen. It’s a dream come true!
However, it seems less common to find films that depict a genuine friendship evolving into a beautiful romance. Perhaps those movies don’t score too well on Rotten Tomatoes. I admit that When Harry Met Sally is one exception, although I mostly recall the iconic food court scene.
When I envision a film about a romance growing from a platonic friendship, it might go something like this: 1.) Tom and Bella meet in dental school; 2.) They study together, discussing topics like bicuspids and dry sockets over texts and FaceTime; 3.) Honestly, who cares what happens next? Their friendship drags on for an exhausting 12 hours before evolving into a predictable romance, leaving the audience in a collective stupor.
Maybe the friends-to-lovers narrative just doesn’t translate well on screen. Yet, it appears that this theme thrives in real life.
Danu Stinson, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Victoria, has studied “relationship initiation” for two decades and recently focused on “friends-first relationship initiation.” Stinson believes this topic hasn’t been fully explored.
Her findings were both expected and enlightening. As reported by CNN’s Sarah Molano, “She anticipated that friends-first initiation would be common, but was surprised to find how prevalent it was.” Stinson discovered that two-thirds of romantic relationships begin platonically, often stemming from friendships that grow over months or even years. This trend appears to cut across age, ethnicity, and sexual orientation.
Despite a wealth of research on immediate attraction, Stinson notes a lack of studies examining the friends-first phenomenon. One barrier is the prevailing “heterosexist scripts” that limit scientific exploration. She explains that the common assumption is that relationships start from sexual attraction, prompting men to act boldly while women focus on being appealing and waiting for men to make a move. This script has led researchers to overlook alternative pathways.
I must confess, I identify with this entrenched perspective. Despite considering myself progressive, I’ve clearly been influenced by these societal norms. I’ve always loved the thrill of instant attraction and probably cheered when Baby was lifted triumphantly in Dirty Dancing. For years, I’ve favored the instant spark over the slow-burn romance of two med students trudging toward love in my imaginary screenplay.
Perhaps I’ve been so captivated by the notion of love at first sight that I’ve overlooked the charm of a romance that develops gradually. What about the sweetness of a kiss after the 300th encounter?
Stinson’s research may challenge us to reconsider our expectations and biases about relationships. At the very least, it opens the door to a new area of inquiry. Joanne Davila, a clinical psychology professor at Stony Brook University, suggests further studies are needed to determine whether friends-first or dating-first relationships lead to healthier, more stable long-term partnerships. Are there significant differences?
What if future research shows that dating-first couples develop strong, secure bonds while friends-first couples experience intense, tumultuous romances? This could certainly inspire a captivating film worthy of Cannes.
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In conclusion, this article highlights the surprising reality that many romances begin as friendships rather than traditional dating scenarios. While romantic comedy tropes often glorify instant attraction, real-life patterns suggest a different story.