Parenting
You May Not Recall, But I Will by Laura Thompson
Updated: Aug. 17, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 17, 2021
“He will never remember his life before his sibling,” everyone reassures me as I let the guilt of transitioning from one child to two sink in. “To him, it has always been this way.”
I understand they’re correct, and their words provide solace in those quiet moments when waves of regret wash over me, more intense than any other feeling I can pinpoint. But the reality that you won’t remember our time before your brother—a time I’ve treasured more than you can fathom—is often more challenging to accept than the end of this beautiful chapter.
But it’s true: You won’t recall.
You won’t remember those early days when we navigated the world together as a duo: that first day when dad drove away, heading off to work while I held you, fragile and new, tears streaming down my face, wondering how I’d manage nine long hours alone with you.
You won’t recall how we eventually found our rhythm, the life and routine we created, filled with stroller strolls, park picnics, trips to the aquarium, and playdates with new friends. You won’t remember the lazy afternoons spent at home, enjoying pancakes for breakfast, cuddled together on the couch, watching Curious George in our pajamas until the early afternoon.
You won’t remember how pampered and adored you were; mommy and daddy’s firstborn, the first grandchild for Nani and Grandpa, the first to smile, crawl, and take those first wobbly steps with us cheering like mad. You won’t recall that all those clothes, books, and toys were exclusively yours for 17 months, with no sharing required.
You won’t remember that you were the one who made me a mother, who provided me with the most rewarding and fulfilling role imaginable. The moment you came into the world, red-faced and wrinkled, gasping for that first breath, you transformed my life. The instant the nurse placed you on my chest, I loved you with a depth I never knew existed.
Fortunately, you also won’t recall the steep learning curve of new motherhood and the many times I stumbled. Like that day I forgot to pack an extra outfit, forcing you to ride home just in a diaper while snow blanketed the ground. Or the time I overlooked your special swim class with dad on your last day as an only child. Or all those little moments I fell short—losing my patience, allowing too much screen time, prioritizing the wrong tasks over our precious time together—ways your inability to remember these early days will erase from your mind.
No, you won’t remember these past 18 months, and in truth, that’s probably for the best. You will grow up unaware of life before your brother, that smaller boy who follows you around and snatches away toys you never realized were solely yours. You’ll never know that there was a time when mommy and daddy’s attention was entirely yours, which will, thankfully, spare you from jealousy over your brother’s arrival. It’s true that we had a plan when we chose to expand our family so closely together, even if guilt sometimes clouds my memory of that decision.
You won’t recall life before this moment when your brother entered our world. It’s a fresh start, a new chapter for our family of four.
But that’s where I come in: because I will. I’ll remember every precious moment, every detail we shared. I’ll keep these memories alive for both of us.
This article was originally published on Aug. 17, 2021.
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Summary:
Navigating the transition from one child to two can be filled with guilt and reflection. While the older child may not remember the early bonding moments shared before their sibling arrived, the parent cherishes these memories deeply. The article emphasizes the importance of these fleeting moments and the joy of being present for both children during this new family chapter.