We’ve all observed a marriage or relationship from the outside and wondered why the individuals involved are still together. Conversely, there are instances when we learn about a couple’s separation and feel surprised or even disappointed. When unhealthy relationships come to an end, those around them often breathe a sigh of relief, especially friends and family who support the person perceived as the victim. It’s easy to celebrate these endings because the dysfunction is apparent. However, even in cases where the reasons for divorce aren’t glaringly obvious, we should embrace and support the idea that one or both parties recognized a need for change. Not every reason for a divorce is fraught with trauma or drama. Sometimes, relationships simply fade, and that alone is a legitimate reason to move on.
When my own marriage started to unravel, I faced an internal conflict that neither I nor my partner could easily identify. I was left with an unsettling sense of yearning for something undefined. As barriers began to rise, I mistakenly thought the issue lay within myself; I believed I needed to fix something to feel fulfilled in my marriage. The reality was that nothing was overtly “wrong.” My ex-partner was not abusive, lazy, or unfaithful—labels that often justify a breakup. We had been together for nearly two decades, had three kids, and maintained a good friendship. However, something felt off. I was unhappy and realized that I hadn’t been in love for longer than I cared to admit.
Ending a commitment can be challenging, even when reasons are clear. Some individuals find it difficult to leave due to financial constraints or fear for their safety. I, however, was in a loving, stable, and financially secure environment. I questioned whether the longing for something different justified leaving. Were my needs more significant than those of my ex or our children? I didn’t think so.
But as resentment grew, it became increasingly difficult to maintain the facade. I never feigned love for my ex; I did love her, but I was not completely honest about the nature of that love. I lacked physical intimacy and emotional safety—neither of which were her fault. For too long, I ignored the signs urging me toward change, believing I needed a substantial reason to leave what appeared to be a perfect marriage. This stemmed from not valuing myself enough to initiate change and fearing judgment from those who wouldn’t understand my decision.
The prevailing narrative often suggests that couples should stay together for the sake of their children or that they should work harder to make the relationship work. However, what good does this do if one or both partners can no longer meet those expectations? Why remain in a situation that stifles personal growth when a healthier version of yourself would ultimately benefit everyone involved?
We must normalize the idea that it is entirely acceptable to leave a relationship or marriage at any time, for any reason. You can even part amicably. My ex and I still like each other. We rarely fought, and neither of us was miserable. You don’t need to endure a chaotic situation to justify seeking a different path. While it’s never easy to walk away, sometimes taking a proactive approach is more challenging because there isn’t a clear tipping point.
There were no questions about my sexuality, no infidelity, and no explosive arguments. All these factors can indeed justify a breakup, but it’s equally valid to divorce without extreme conflict. Staying out of a sense of obligation or societal expectations is not a good reason to remain in an unhappy marriage.
I occasionally feel guilt for the pain my decision caused my ex and the upheaval it brought to our children. Part of that guilt arises from finally prioritizing my own needs, while another portion stems from societal shame that suggests I simply gave up. In reality, getting divorced is not giving up; it marks the conclusion of one chapter, allowing for the potential of new beginnings. This transition can be messy and filled with uncertainties, but it doesn’t negate the validity of the choice.
It is perfectly okay to leave your marriage; you have the right to create new spaces and boundaries for yourself, whether alone or with someone new. Regardless of your reasons for ending a relationship, they are valid, and you owe no one an explanation.
For more insights, you can read related posts like this one, which discusses similar themes.
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Summary:
Divorce doesn’t always require a dramatic reason; sometimes relationships simply change. It’s essential to recognize that seeking happiness and fulfillment is valid, even in seemingly healthy marriages. Prioritizing personal needs doesn’t equate to failure, and it’s okay to leave for any reason without needing to justify your choice to others.