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If you’ve faced challenges like postpartum depression, anxiety, or other perinatal mood disorders, you understand how debilitating these experiences can be. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression in late 2013, and it took me until the summer of 2014—16 months post-birth—to emerge from the shadows. For that entire year, I felt lost and overwhelmed, often battling thoughts of despair.
While awareness around mental health issues has improved, the complexities of maternal mental health remain largely misunderstood. After welcoming a new baby, society expects joy and elation. But what if those feelings don’t come?
A new documentary, “Year One,” delves into these questions, chronicling the journey of writer and filmmaker Lila Carter as she navigates her first year of motherhood.
“I approach documentary filmmaking with a mindset of exploration, where I begin with a question and let the film guide me toward answers,” Carter shares. “Initially, I wanted to capture the essence of motherhood, but my perspective shifted dramatically after I was diagnosed with postpartum depression during filming. This experience became the heart of the film as I searched for growth and healing.”
Carter reflects on the early weeks after giving birth, stating, “I was so focused on just getting through each day that bonding with my baby felt delayed. I read that this was ‘normal,’ but hearing friends and family tell me to cherish every moment made me feel like I was failing. I questioned whether I was cut out to be a mom.”
Carter’s feelings resonate with many parents who struggle to form connections with their newborns. It’s a significant transition, and the pressure can be overwhelming. Conversations around difficulties such as feeding challenges or sleepless nights often remain taboo, yet they are part of the reality of new parenthood. The added strain of hormonal changes and mood disorders can make this experience even more daunting.
“Some days, it feels like I can’t breathe,” Carter shares in the film. “I’m overwhelmed with guilt, thinking I should be stronger or more grateful.” The grip of postpartum depression left her feeling detached and anxious until she hit what she describes as her lowest point.
“I felt trapped in darkness and questioned if my child would be better off without me,” she admits. Fortunately, like many, she found support from her partner and sought help through therapy and support groups, emphasizing that you don’t have to reach your lowest point to seek assistance.
“I believe education is crucial for understanding, treating, and preventing perinatal mood disorders,” Carter emphasizes. “The more awareness people have, the better equipped they are to ask for help.” She acknowledges the cultural stigma surrounding postpartum depression, which often conflates it with harming one’s child—a misconception that can deter parents from seeking help.
Symptoms of postpartum mood disorders can vary widely, including feelings of anger, apathy, anxiety, and sadness. Recognizing these signs is essential for seeking the right support.
“Year One” premieres on May 4 and will be available for viewing on YouTube and the film’s official website. For those experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression, anxiety, or related disorders, it’s important to know that help is available.
For immediate support, reach out to a healthcare provider or visit Postpartum Support International.
Summary
“Year One” is a poignant exploration of the challenges many new mothers face, particularly those struggling with mental health issues like postpartum depression. Through the lens of filmmaker Lila Carter, the documentary sheds light on the often unspoken difficulties of motherhood and emphasizes the importance of seeking help and understanding.