In the United States, patriotism runs deep, with many Americans proudly waving their flags and honoring those who serve. Being married to a military member has opened my eyes to this phenomenon. When Mike dons his uniform—something he does most days—people rush to express their gratitude for his service. They buy his drinks, shake his hand, and share their own military tales. Although Mike is not a combat veteran and doesn’t claim to be, the public’s appreciation is overwhelming.
While I find such attention embarrassing, he handles it gracefully, knowing how to respond to their thanks. However, there’s one day he refrains from accepting any recognition: Memorial Day. On this solemn occasion, he humbly declines any expressions of gratitude. His service has not claimed his life; he is home, healthy, and safe. Memorial Day is a day for honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice—not for living veterans or active-duty members.
Each year, as Memorial Day approaches, my uncle shares the heartbreaking story of his brother, David, who was just twenty when he lost his life in Vietnam, returning home in a flag-draped casket. He now rests in Arlington Cemetery. The only letter David wrote home serves as a powerful reminder of his life, which my family shares annually. Even though I never met him, I feel connected to his story. Memorial Day helps keep his memory alive.
For many combat veterans, this day is filled with memories of fallen comrades. Even Mike, who has never seen combat, feels the weight of friends lost to the invisible wounds of war, such as PTSD and suicide. Memorial Day is a time to remember those we have lost. So, please refrain from thanking active service members or veterans on this day.
That said, it is important to acknowledge their sacrifices at the appropriate times! Each branch of the military has its own designated days for recognition. For instance, Armed Forces Day falls on the third Saturday of May, providing a perfect opportunity to express gratitude to those currently serving.
Veterans Day on November 11 is another chance to honor those who have served in the military. It’s a wonderful occasion to thank individuals who have dedicated their lives to our country. If you want to extend your appreciation to those still in uniform on Veterans Day, that’s acceptable too; many businesses offer discounts to active-duty personnel on this day.
Additionally, each military branch celebrates its own birthday: the Army on June 14, the Coast Guard on August 4, the Air Force on September 18, the Navy on October 13, and the Marine Corps on November 10. Mark these dates and take the time to show your appreciation.
As a military spouse, I often wish for a world without the need for a standing military, where conflict and war are relics of the past. Sadly, that is not our reality. Those who choose to serve do so with the understanding that their lives may be on the line. If you feel compelled to thank them for their willingness to serve, please do so on the appropriate occasions. Just remember to set aside Memorial Day to honor those who have lost their lives in service.
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In summary, Memorial Day is a solemn occasion meant to remember and honor those who paid the ultimate price in military service. While it’s important to show appreciation to veterans and active service members, it’s crucial to reserve Memorial Day for those who have made the ultimate sacrifice.