I find myself pondering whether this is a brilliant parenting strategy or simply a sign that I’ve relaxed my standards, but I’ve officially thrown in the towel on shoelaces.
My eldest constantly roams around with untied shoes, which drives me up the wall. My concerns stem from the potential accidents he could face, like tripping and falling due to those pesky laces. Plus, there’s the wear and tear on the laces themselves, leading to yet another item on my never-ending to-do list: “find new shoelaces.” To make matters worse, he once got his laces caught in an escalator. I had to yank his shoe off to prevent a disaster, and of course, I ended up wrestling the lace free while dodging a crowd of shoppers.
At 10 years old, he’s reached the stage where I feel like I’m just nagging him about everything—untied shoelaces, messy handwriting, clothes strewn about, unkempt hair, and a dinner plate that never finds its way to the sink. While some of these things don’t directly affect me, they all come across as complaints when expressed by me. It’s his time to explore his identity independently, without my constant reminders or interference.
When we encourage our kids to grow and evolve, we often envision them blossoming into their best selves—becoming organized, excelling in sports, or receiving praise from teachers for their kindness. However, we seldom consider that allowing our children to be their true selves also means letting them embrace their flaws. We can assist them in managing homework and instilling kindness, yet there comes a point when they must take responsibility for these aspects of their lives. They must navigate their own path, for better or worse.
So, if you spot a sports-loving child with tousled hair and untied shoelaces strolling down a street in Los Angeles, that’s my son. He’s bright, wise, and emotional, yet he moves at lightning speed and lacks the confidence to showcase his lovely stories—mostly illegible due to his hurried handwriting. And yes, he never ties his shoes.
If you feel compelled to tell him to tie those shoelaces, go ahead. But don’t be surprised if he doesn’t listen. He might trip or get tangled in an escalator, prompting you to think, “Why doesn’t his mom make him tie his shoes?” Then, you may glance at your own child’s untied laces or unkempt hair and realize that part of parenting involves allowing them to stumble and learn from their mistakes.
There’s no silver lining in saying, “I told you so.” The only comfort lies in knowing that no kid heads off to college with untied shoes. That’s what I remind myself as I resist the urge to tell my son to stop and tie his shoes.
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Summary
Navigating the challenges of parenting includes letting our children make their own mistakes, even if that means dealing with untied shoelaces. It’s a balancing act of encouraging independence while allowing them to learn through experience. As parents, we often find ourselves torn between guiding them and stepping back to let them figure things out.