As we prepare for the arrival of our second child in just a month, the anticipation of welcoming our precious baby girl is met with the typical challenges of motherhood. With a lively 2.5-year-old and the demands of working from home, the upcoming months are going to be quite a whirlwind.
Interestingly, one parenting decision that has garnered significant support is our choice to restrict visitors post-birth. This choice has prompted numerous inquiries: How can this work? Will people be upset? What if they drop by unexpectedly? While I’ve pondered these questions myself, my answer remains steadfast: we will not be allowing visitors after our baby arrives. Here’s why…
Reflecting on Our First Experience
Our first experience with childbirth was far from the ideal scenario. It encompassed an exhausting 18-hour labor, an emergency three-hour C-section, followed by nearly two weeks in the NICU. The joy of having my son was overshadowed by the trauma of the experience. Although we permitted a few visitors during that time, it became overwhelming. Just hours after my C-section, I was trying to navigate breastfeeding with a consultant whose efforts were more distracting than helpful while also attempting to engage with visitors. All I really wanted was to bond with my new baby.
Focusing on Family Dynamics
This time around, the situation is more complex. Our eldest has been the sole child for the past 2.5 years. Despite our discussions about his new sister, he remains largely unaware of how significantly his life will change. Our priority is to help him transition into this new family dynamic, allowing him to meet his sister and spend quality time with us without the distraction of constant visitors. We’ll invite him to the hospital shortly after my delivery to introduce him to his sister, and then we’ll keep our home visitor-free for the first week after her arrival.
The Importance of the Initial Week
The initial week without visitors is crucial for Levi to adjust to our new routine—whatever that may look like with a newborn—and to process the changes in our family. It’s also a time for me to recover. As mothers, we dedicate nine months to carrying our babies, and it’s essential to carve out time for ourselves after birth. Societal norms often pressure new mothers to entertain guests, hand over their babies, and appear composed. Yet, I firmly believe that new parents deserve time to heal and bond without having to apologize for prioritizing their well-being.
Setting Boundaries for Our Well-Being
While we plan to allow immediate family—like grandparents and siblings—to visit briefly after the birth, we won’t entertain anyone else until we feel prepared. The uncertainty surrounding my recovery, our son’s adjustment, and our newborn’s sleep patterns makes it difficult to predict when we’ll be ready for visitors. Whether that timeframe is ten days or ten weeks, knowing we’ve made a conscious decision to navigate this transition peacefully alleviates a significant amount of stress.
Maintaining a Germ-Free Environment
I also have a strong inclination towards maintaining a germ-free environment. Witnessing our firstborn connected to monitors and receiving oxygen shortly after birth was a transformative experience. The risk of exposing our newborn to illnesses, especially given how easily germs spread among children, is something I’m unwilling to take. Our 2.5-year-old isn’t in daycare, and I won’t be frequenting public spaces with him for the first few months after the baby arrives. Limiting visitors reduces our exposure to germs, and we’ll only welcome adults into our home during this time.
Empowering Personal Choices
Ultimately, the choice of whether or not to allow visitors after your baby is born should be a personal one. Many feel pressured by societal expectations, but it’s essential to prioritize your mental and physical health post-delivery. Remember, it’s perfectly acceptable to be “selfish” during this time. Those who may be upset will adjust, and your needs matter.
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Conclusion
In conclusion, our decision to limit visitors is rooted in our desire to bond as a family, prioritize our health, and ensure a smooth transition for our eldest child. Every parent should feel empowered to make choices that best suit their unique circumstances.