When embarking on a new relationship, it’s common to explore various activities with a potential partner—coffee dates, dinners, movies, and concerts all serve to reveal aspects of their personality and how well you connect. As you grow closer, the focus shifts to creating shared memories and deepening your bond. My partner, Mark, and I have adopted a similar approach with our children, though not in a romantic sense, of course.
We both work from home, which means we already spend a significant amount of time with our kids. However, we noticed that despite being together often, we weren’t dedicating quality time to build individual relationships with each child. This realization prompted us to initiate “dates” with our kids, allowing us to connect with them outside of the family routine and sibling interactions.
Here’s how our monthly “dates” unfold:
1. We alternate months.
Mark takes the lead on our kids’ dates in odd months, while I take over in even months. We tried having both parents schedule dates simultaneously, but with our busy lives and multiple activities, it became impractical. This alternating schedule has allowed us to maintain consistency without overwhelming ourselves.
2. Simplicity is key.
Our outings are typically low-cost, often involving a trip to the ice cream shop or a local café. Sometimes my daughter, Leah, requests to visit a craft store, while other times we explore thrift shops together. We occasionally treat ourselves to dinner, but I strive to keep our outings under $10 to stay within budget.
3. Conversation is essential.
While our kids occasionally suggest movies for our dates, we prefer activities that promote conversation. The aim is to foster dialogue and create a safe space for them to ask questions they might hesitate to voice in front of their siblings. This one-on-one time is vital for understanding them better.
4. We keep expectations realistic.
While we value our time together, not every outing needs to be extraordinary. Some dates have been delightful bonding experiences, while others have felt mundane. What truly matters is the commitment to spending this time together. Our kids eagerly anticipate these outings and appreciate the individual attention, even if it’s just over a shared dessert.
5. We express our enjoyment.
During our dates, the kids often open up in ways they don’t in a group setting. Mark and I cherish these intimate moments, as they help us see our children as unique individuals. Although we can connect at home, stepping away from our usual environment allows us to strengthen our relationships in a meaningful way.
These close connections serve as a foundation for everything from discipline to mutual respect. I always emphasize how enjoyable it is to spend time together. When children feel genuinely connected, they are more inclined to be helpful and respectful. I believe this investment in our relationships will pay off in the long run.
While the concept of “dating” our children might seem unusual, that’s exactly what we do. We carve out special time away from our daily routines and the rest of the family to deepen our understanding of one another. We share laughter, stories, and discover new facets of each other, ultimately nurturing a loving bond that is the essence of family life.
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In summary, taking the time to connect with your children on an individual basis can foster stronger relationships and a deeper understanding of their unique personalities. By prioritizing these moments together, you can build a loving family dynamic that thrives on open communication and trust.