When a woman welcomes a new life into the world, one of the first questions that often arises is, “How did it go?” Was it a quick delivery or an arduous labor? Did she opt for an epidural (which can be a bit intrusive if not offered)? Was it painful? What was her doctor like? And did she have a vaginal birth or a C-section?
When I welcomed my daughter into the world, everything took a turn when my water broke, and I discovered meconium was present (yes, she pooped inside me). After a long and grueling labor, complications arose, and I ended up with an infection—because who wouldn’t want to experience labor while feeling flu-like symptoms? My body decided it had enough and just quit. Yes, my uterus really showed its true colors during that experience (and it did the same during my second birth).
With my baby’s heart rate fluctuating and me feeling miserable, I was wheeled into the Operating Room. Thank goodness! I was ready for whatever came next. In the midst of feeling nauseous and in pain, hearing my daughter’s first cry was pure bliss. I was now a mom, and I was being treated for the nausea while my little one received the care she needed.
So, I was taken aback when people started saying, “Oh, you had a C-section? I’m so sorry!” What was there to be sorry about? Did I deliver an alien? My daughter is perfect, I was being given pain relief, and while my abs might never look the same, I had bigger things to worry about—like the fact that I went from having no stretch marks to looking like I was attacked by a pack of wolves overnight.
The apologies continued, often accompanied by pitying looks. One of the worst comments was, “I’m sorry you missed out on giving birth.” Did I? A baby emerged from my body, and now she was feeding right at my side! (Speaking of which, my right breast was always the underachiever. My friend and I dubbed our lower-supply breasts the “Nemo” boobs—because of that one fin, get it?)
While we often advocate for the validity of C-sections, the reality is that many people still don’t practice what they preach. The International Cesarean Awareness Network promotes the idea that a woman’s body can still function well in subsequent pregnancies, regardless of a past C-section. Yet, people often label vaginal births as “natural” or “normal,” which can feel dismissive. Let’s just say it: Vaginal birth, C-section—let’s call a spade a spade without the stigma.
Every time I heard someone apologize for my birth experience, it made me question the extraordinary journey I had just gone through. How can anyone feel proud of their accomplishments when comparisons to vaginal births overshadow their experience?
It’s important to recognize that while some women may feel disappointment over their C-section, it’s not a universal sentiment. If someone opens up about their feelings of sadness or trauma surrounding their birth, it’s appropriate to empathize and offer support. However, we shouldn’t assume that all women who have had C-sections are unhappy, nor should we assume that women with vaginal deliveries are always satisfied.
In my second delivery, my rebellious uterus decided to act up again, leading me into the OR for another C-section that ultimately saved both my life and my son’s.
What does my C-section scar signify? It represents my ability to be there for my children. If I had given birth fifty years ago, I might not have had that opportunity. It means I can witness my son’s antics and listen to my daughter share dinosaur facts. I get to send her off to kindergarten and savor every milestone. It means I can write this piece for you right now.
I have no regrets about my C-sections. Yes, I faced challenges, but the outcomes were life-affirming, and I’m grateful for modern medicine that allows me to cherish my family.
Words matter, especially when it comes to how we communicate about birth experiences. New moms are often in a vulnerable state, so the next time you hear about a mom who had a C-section, let’s celebrate her journey instead of expressing regret.
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Summary
It’s essential to rethink how we respond to women who have C-sections. Instead of offering apologies, we should celebrate their journeys and recognize the validity of their experiences. Language plays a crucial role in shaping perceptions, especially for new moms who may feel vulnerable. Let’s focus on congratulating them and supporting their paths to motherhood.