When I first shared the news of my engagement, a coworker exclaimed, “Oh, I’m so thrilled you’ve found your soulmate!” I paused, contemplating the term “soulmate.” I struggled to picture my fiancé and associate him with that word. Had I made a mistake? Was there someone out there who was truly meant for me, and here I was, about to marry a man I couldn’t envision as my soulmate?
For days, I felt a sense of gloom. My fiancé noticed my change in mood and kept asking if something was wrong, but I brushed it off. I began to scrutinize every little annoyance he displayed, like the way he slurped his coffee or chuckled too loudly. My worst fears crept in: what if the man I was marrying wasn’t my soulmate?
Determining Your Soulmate
So how do you determine if your partner is indeed your soulmate? Is it about agreeing on everything? Never having disagreements? Living in a constant state of bliss, complete with heart emojis and roses? If you’ve experienced even a fraction of that, consider yourself lucky. Most of us, like me, don’t have that fairy tale.
Despite the doubts sown by my coworker’s innocent remark, I married him anyway. Four years later, do I believe he’s my soulmate? No. And that’s perfectly okay. We have a strong connection, though it’s not always romantic. Most of our discussions revolve around mundane topics like grocery lists or meal planning. If you’re married, you likely understand. It’s not that we lack chemistry; we just prioritize practicality over perpetual romance.
The Reality of Marriage
Expecting your marriage to be a continuous spectacle of fireworks will likely lead to disappointment; most of the fireworks happen in the kitchen, and I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear. I’m not suggesting there’s no connection between us—quite the opposite. But with marriage comes a level of pragmatism that often overshadows the romantic ideals we’re sold.
Does being in love come with a how-to guide? Absolutely not. You won’t always know what to say or do, and you’ll certainly make mistakes. There’s no such thing as a perfect match. Your partner may even find happiness with someone else, yet they choose to be with you, not because you’re soulmates, but because of who you are.
Finding Joy in the Everyday
So why stay with my husband if I don’t see him as my soulmate? It’s the little things—like him leaving an apple in my bag when I skip breakfast, tiptoeing around to avoid waking me up, or cooking dinner when I’m too exhausted to do so. These moments may not scream “soulmate,” but they embody partnership and affection.
What good are flowers and sweet nothings when what I really need is help with the clutter? A healthy relationship is one where you can acknowledge each other’s flaws and laugh about them. A relationship is true when you can be comfortable enough to let loose, without worrying about judgment. Does that fit the soulmate narrative? Not really.
So, while I may not be with my soulmate, I am with my husband—someone who offers support without the need for grand romantic gestures. I can be my authentic self, in my comfiest pajamas, without fear of judgment. He may not write me poetry, but his playful teasing is just as charming.
Embracing Reality
You can’t navigate life believing in a constant fairy tale. The notion of soulmates is overly idealistic. Real love requires effort, acceptance of imperfections, and an appreciation for the little things in life. Romance may be overhyped, but comfort and companionship often lead to deeper happiness.
So yes, the concept of soulmates? It’s a bit of a myth. Embrace the reality of partnership, and you might just find more joy in the everyday moments.