On a typical day in our parent-baby group, emotions run high. One mom is in tears again. While cradling my daughter against my chest with one arm, I reach out with the other to hand a nearby baby a rattle, listening to the sobs and sniffles of a fellow parent.
Next to us, another mom rummages through her bag, tossing out a chaotic mix of items—shirts, bibs, car keys, a smushed granola bar, tubes of nipple cream, diaper rash ointment, Vaseline, crumpled pediatric paperwork, wipes, and a pink stuffed cat—before finally pulling out the last diaper from the depths of her bag. For now, she manages to hold back her tears.
Crying seems to be the norm among new parents navigating the stormy seas of postpartum emotions. Whether you gave birth or underwent a C-section, the tidal wave of hormones and feelings can leave you feeling anxious and overwhelmed. The pressure of caring for a tiny human—while balancing work and self-doubt—creates a perfect storm for tears.
On this particular day, the crying stems from “Returning-to-Work Mom,” who is distressed about her low breast milk supply. I can relate; I have a freezer full of milk that I’ve been saving.
As I approach her after our group session, I offer my sympathy and a comforting hug. Then I offer her my extra milk. She graciously accepts the hug but declines the milk.
You might not know that there’s a vibrant community of parents dedicated to breastfeeding and milk sharing. This network has grown, driven by the mantra that “breast is best,” and has led to the formation of milk banks, Facebook groups, and support networks where new parents exchange milk and advice.
Before becoming a mom, I was oblivious to this vast world. I learned quickly that breastfeeding isn’t as straightforward as it seems—nursing requires a lot of physical and emotional energy. I diligently calculated how many ounces of milk I would need to stockpile before returning to work, and I ended up with a surplus. Yet, this mom didn’t want it.
Another mom, “Eco-Conscious Mom,” also turned down my offer of extra milk for similar reasons. She had reached out to fellow group members for help, but my milk was rejected due to my medication. I understood their concerns; why would they risk exposing their baby to any potential hazard?
And yet, I felt a sense of shame. I questioned my decision to breastfeed and grappled with guilt over needing medication to manage my mental health. I wondered if forgoing the medication would make me a better mom—a stronger person.
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and the American Psychiatric Association, a significant number of American women experience depression during and after pregnancy. Untreated postpartum depression can hinder a child’s development.
Despite knowing these facts, I struggled with the stigma surrounding mental health and the well-meaning advice from friends urging me to “just try” going off my medication.
Yes, I felt judged—and maybe you’re judging me now too.
But without my medication, I wouldn’t be able to greet my daughter each morning with enthusiasm. Without it, I would be consumed by dark thoughts, unable to enjoy our time together. Thanks to my medication, we can enjoy sunny walks and playful moments filled with laughter.
Still, I was left with nearly 200 ounces of unwanted milk in my freezer—a reminder of my perceived inadequacies. Thankfully, the second mom I spoke to directed me to a network of parents in need of milk. When I posted about my surplus in a local Human Milk for Human Babies group, I was met with immediate responses.
I felt like a secret agent on a mission as I packed the milk into a cooler bag and met a stranger outside Starbucks to make the exchange. The connection between us, facilitated by a simple act of kindness, felt surreal and beautiful.
In the end, someone did want the milk—more importantly, my daughter continues to benefit from our nursing relationship. Now nearing 15 months old, I recognize how grateful she is for the milk and the bond we share, supported by my medication that helps me be the best mom I can be.
For those navigating similar experiences, check out this insightful post about home insemination here. And for more information on breastfeeding and mental health, Intracervical Insemination provides a wealth of knowledge. Additionally, this podcast from the Cleveland Clinic is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination here.
Search Queries:
- Why is my breast milk unwanted?
- How to share breast milk with other moms?
- Dealing with postpartum depression as a new mom
- How to increase breast milk supply?
- What to do with excess breast milk?
In summary, the experience of having an excess supply of breast milk can be emotionally complex for many new mothers. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially when faced with the challenges of postpartum mental health. However, community support and resources can help connect those with surplus milk to those in need, fostering a sense of connection and purpose.