When I experienced crippling postpartum depression and anxiety, my mind was a whirlwind of uncontrollable fears. I found myself fixating on irrational thoughts, from worrying about my baby’s well-being to fretting about a potential nuclear disaster. I questioned my abilities as a mother and wondered if my constant worrying was negatively impacting my children. During this tumultuous period, my partner, Mark, played a crucial role. He ensured I received the psychiatric help I needed, provided me with nutritious meals, and allowed me time to rest. However, one thing he wisely avoided was the phrase “get over it.”
This lack of understanding also surfaced when I opened up about the childhood abuse I endured. Sharing how it still affects me decades later is painful, and I often hear the unhelpful suggestion to simply “get over it.” But dismissing these feelings doesn’t make them disappear.
Disappointments, such as dealing with a tantrum in a store or having my payment declined, can evoke strong emotions. Telling me to “get over it” does nothing to alleviate my distress; in fact, it often intensifies my frustration. The reality is that no one has the right to dictate how someone else should feel. Emotions are not something we can turn on and off at will; they must be processed in their own time.
If it were as simple as “getting over it,” believe me, many would prefer to move past their negative feelings, whether it’s sadness, anger, or grief. The only way to navigate these emotions is to allow them to unfold naturally instead of trying to suppress them.
Using the phrase “get over it” undermines the complexity of human emotions. It implies that those struggling with their feelings are somehow weak. In truth, feeling deeply is not a sign of weakness; it’s a fundamental aspect of being human. When you say “get over it,” you dismiss the validity of those emotions and suggest they are not worth having.
Moreover, telling someone to move on makes them feel unheard. If you truly listened to their feelings—be it grief, anger, or disappointment—you would recognize that they can’t simply brush it off. A more supportive response would be to express empathy, like saying, “I’m sorry you feel this way,” or “I wish things were different.” This shows that you acknowledge their struggle.
A dismissive “get over it” can come across as rude and inadequate, leaving the person feeling isolated in their pain. When you insist they move on, it communicates that their emotions are a burden to you. No one wants to feel like a nuisance, and such sentiments can be deeply hurtful.
When someone is hurting, their feelings should take precedence. It is vital to create a space where they can express themselves without feeling small or belittled. No one deserves to have their feelings minimized, regardless of how inconvenient they may be to others.
In summary, suggesting that someone simply “get over it” is not only unhelpful but also dismissive and insensitive. Whether it’s related to mental health, the loss of a pet, a challenging day, or societal events, these feelings are real and require acknowledgement. If you can’t find the right words to say, it’s best to remain silent rather than risk sounding uncaring or controlling. There are more compassionate ways to offer support, like expressing understanding or hope for their healing.
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