As a woman in my 40s who knows exactly what I want, I’ve become very discerning when it comes to choosing a partner. I’m looking for someone special, not just for myself but also for my three children. I deserve love, but it has to be with someone truly exceptional.
I frequently assert my boundaries, whether it’s declining suggestive pictures, unwanted texts, or advances after a date. I’ve worked hard to get comfortable saying “no.” In the past, I hesitated out of concern for others’ feelings, but I’ve learned that it’s essential to prioritize my own comfort and safety.
What continues to baffle me, however, is how some men react when I stand firm in my decisions. Just a few months ago, a man named Tom reached out to me on social media to suggest meeting for drinks. Despite being married with children, he insisted he wanted to meet me alone. I made it clear that he should focus on his family instead. But, instead of respecting my wishes, he kept messaging me, trying to argue his case. After a few more unwanted attempts to chat, I blocked him—despite already saying “no” multiple times.
In another instance, I started chatting with a man named Jake on a dating app. We exchanged numbers and I was optimistic about our connection. However, after a few days of conversation, he sent me an explicit photo, which was completely inappropriate. I told him I wasn’t interested and that such behavior was unacceptable. He called me uptight and continued to message me, disregarding my previous rejection.
On a first date with a guy named Mark, I felt no romantic chemistry. After I told him this directly, he insisted that I would change my mind if I spent more time with him. His persistence was frustrating, leading to several more messages after I had already declined his advances.
Then there was the time I thought I might have found a decent guy around Christmas named Eric. After a month of online chatting, I realized he was manipulating me emotionally. When I told him I wanted to end things, he bombarded my phone with messages and even showed up uninvited at my home when my kids were there. I had to threaten to contact the police before he finally left. I had already made my feelings clear numerous times.
It’s disheartening to see that many men—smart, educated, and accomplished—struggle to grasp the meaning of “no.” These experiences are not unique to me; many women face similar challenges when asserting their boundaries.
Will this ever change? I can only hope. As a mother of two sons, I aim to teach them the importance of respecting boundaries and understanding that “no” truly means “no.” They need to learn that hearing the word once should be enough, not the second or third time, and certainly not after threats or intimidation.
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In summary, the struggle to communicate and respect boundaries is a pressing issue that many women face today. It’s essential for men to understand that “no” is a complete answer and that respecting this word is vital for healthy relationships.