For his fourth birthday, my son has chosen a superhero theme and specified “no girls.” We are hosting a modest gathering at our home, inviting his grandparents and a handful of preschool friends along with their parents. When I sent out the Evite, I couldn’t shake the guilt of not inviting his entire class.
Most birthday parties we’ve attended have included around 20 classmates, along with their parents and siblings, often held in rented venues. Some gatherings have ballooned to as many as 60 guests—that’s more than the crowd at my grandparents’ 50th anniversary celebration.
These large birthday events typically feature a circle time where kids introduce themselves (even though they already know each other). Sugar is abundant, and the highlight is usually the bounce house, where kids line up to jump until the timer runs out. We always leave with a goodie bag overflowing with sugary treats and small plastic toys.
Our generation of parents often faces criticism for hosting extravagant preschool birthday parties. Experts suggest we spoil our kids, foster materialism, and use these celebrations as a status symbol. However, many parents simply want to avoid excluding little ones from the fun.
I let my son invite six classmates, and he quickly named his top friends while asking for a couple more. I had to say no—our small apartment can only accommodate so much energy. This decision stirred up a familiar pang of guilt. Should we have booked a venue for his entire class?
Walking into my son’s preschool always fills me with joy. His classmates excitedly greet us, showing off their latest treasures or ninja moves. I’ve known many of these kids since they were in diapers.
Preschoolers are at a magical stage of friendship. They don’t bully or form cliques, and friendships are easily forged over imaginary battles. For parents, this is a wonderful time to connect without being dragged into children’s conflicts. Inviting the whole class typically fosters inclusivity and helps sidestep hurt feelings that often arise in later childhood.
Will some parents or children feel left out when they learn about our party? I had a serious discussion with my son about keeping the celebration under wraps. Yet, I know it may be hard for him, at 3, to refrain from sharing.
We chose a small home party because I believe my son could feel overwhelmed in a larger setting. I can relate; I would also find it daunting to host 60 people. Interestingly, there seems to be an inverse relationship between spending and enjoyment.
Recently, we paid $60 for tickets to a local kids’ festival filled with attractions: bounce houses, live music, balloon art, and unlimited ice cream. Yet, our son was most interested in simply running around with friends. His friends were often whisked away by their parents, all eager to maximize entertainment value.
After a meltdown over the long lines, I realized we had lost sight of what makes these events fun. I left feeling as though we had escaped a place where parents, not kids, were the ones overwhelmed.
To keep things simple, we plan to create a distraction-free environment for our son’s party. There will be no long lines or forced activities—just cake, a “Happy Birthday” song, and plenty of blocks, Play-Doh, and toy trucks. Most of the budget is allocated for wine and beer for the adults.
While I hope no feelings are hurt by our intimate gathering, we are committed to celebrating our son’s birthday in a way that he’ll enjoy: playing superheroes with his closest friends.
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Summary
The decision to host a smaller birthday party for my son was driven by the desire to keep things manageable and enjoyable for him. While I grappled with guilt over not inviting the entire class, I believe our intimate gathering will allow him to celebrate in a way that feels right for him.