My partner serves in the military, having enlisted in his late twenties after we were already married with a child. It was a challenging decision with numerous factors to consider. While we might not fit the typical mold of a military family politically, ideologically, or spiritually, we concluded that someone needed to serve, and he was willing to step up. This choice has proven beneficial for our family.
Initially, we were taken aback by how frequently people express their gratitude for his service. Whenever he stops at a store or is out and about in uniform, strangers often feel compelled to say “thank you.” At first, he found this attention uncomfortable. As a full-time Air National Guardsman rather than a combat veteran, he felt unworthy of such appreciation.
However, he soon realized that his service holds value for many, irrespective of the specifics of his role. When people thank him, they aren’t looking for excuses; they genuinely believe he deserves recognition. They simply want to hear, “You’re welcome.”
For a time, he responded with “Thank you for your support,” which felt like an appropriate reply. But then he overheard another service member respond to gratitude with, “You’re welcome. You’re worth it.” This phrase struck a chord with him, and he adopted it. Now, when someone thanks him, he reciprocates with those four words, reminding others of their intrinsic worth.
This phrase resonates deeply with him and aligns with the values we strive to instill in our children.
In our family, we prefer the phrase “You’re welcome” over “No problem.” While some might find “No problem” bothersome, I personally don’t mind it; it just isn’t my preference. I appreciate the warmth of a traditional “You’re welcome.”
We continue to teach our kids to say “you’re welcome” as an essential polite response to gratitude. However, the core lesson we want them to internalize is, “You’re worth it.” When they hear their father affirm a stranger with this phrase, we want them to grasp its meaning. Regardless of the words they choose in response to thanks, we want them to understand that kindness and generosity are non-negotiable because every person possesses inherent value.
Our goal is to nurture empathy and generosity in our children without fostering a sense of entitlement. We want them to be kind, helpful, and fair, but devoid of smugness or the notion that they earn accolades for being decent. Authentic kindness should come from the heart, not as a performance.
Of course, we don’t expect them to use this phrase every time someone expresses gratitude; we aren’t trying to create odd habits. However, we are intentional about discussing the worth of every individual. We approach topics like racial inequality, LGBTQ+ rights, body positivity, and privilege with our kids. Although my eldest son comprehends these discussions more thoroughly, we ensure that all our children are exposed to these important conversations. They will leave our home with a solid understanding that systems which elevate or oppress based on inherent traits are unacceptable, and I hope they will act accordingly.
It’s vital for our children to recognize that everyone deserves kindness and support simply because they are human. When someone expresses gratitude, it’s essential to acknowledge it warmly. Regardless of the phrase used, the underlying attitude should convey, “Of course I helped you; you are worthy of kindness and goodness.”
Naturally, as adults, we understand that not everyone is pleasant, and we may not always feel inclined to be friendly toward everyone. We are aware of the existence of abusers and manipulative people, and those lessons will come in time.
I prefer to believe that most individuals are inherently good. I choose to approach people with optimism until proven otherwise. I hope my children adopt this perspective, believing that most people are deserving of kindness.
Moreover, it’s essential for their development that they practice kindness. I once heard Chrissy, an inspiring figure, say, “Esteemable acts create self-esteem.” This rings true; when we engage in acts of kindness, we feel better about who we are.
By embracing the concept of “You’re welcome. You’re worth it,” I’m providing my children with chances to perform esteemable acts. Encouraging them to recognize the worth of others creates opportunities for kindness, ultimately leading them to view themselves as compassionate individuals.
I want my children to grow up loving themselves, in body, mind, and spirit. Teaching them to see the value in others instills self-worth as well. This cycle of recognizing worth benefits everyone involved.
In summary, my family’s response to gratitude extends beyond mere politeness. It is about affirming the intrinsic value of each person, fostering kindness, and encouraging our children to appreciate both themselves and others.
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