As a child, I experienced something profoundly disturbing that I’ve never fully shared with my family. At seven years old—just the age my eldest son is now—I attended a sleepover at a friend’s house. What began as innocent fun turned into a traumatic experience as I was molested by her cousin, who claimed to have learned something that felt good. This inappropriate behavior continued at both her house and mine, hidden beneath furniture or in closets, leaving me with a mix of emotions that included fear, confusion, and guilt.
I felt ashamed and dirty, grappling with a secret that burdened my young heart. During my first confession, I hastily recounted: “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I touched someone and allowed someone else to touch me.” Ultimately, I distanced myself from her, making excuses to avoid future encounters. It wasn’t until college that I opened up about my past.
This harrowing experience is precisely why my family has chosen to forgo sleepovers. Many people may not realize that children can also be perpetrators of sexual abuse. Statistics from the CDC reveal that one in four women and one in six men experience sexual abuse before turning 18. Notably, the Children’s Assessment Center of Houston emphasizes that abusers can be minors as well, often coercing one another into sexual activities.
Darkness to Light, a prominent child sexual abuse prevention organization, states that approximately 40% of children who experience sexual abuse are victimized by older or more dominant peers, which could very well include that seemingly innocent sleepover friend or their older sibling.
The statistics surrounding child abuse are alarming. Darkness to Light reports that 90% of abused children are harmed by someone they know, while 60% are assaulted by individuals trusted by their families. Vulnerability peaks between ages 7 and 13, with the median age being 9—an age synonymous with sleepovers.
My concerns extend beyond the threat of sexual abuse. I fear my children could be exposed to inappropriate material, especially in our digital age. According to The New York Times, 42% of internet users aged 10 to 17 have encountered pornography. While many cite the average age of first exposure to porn as 11, the reality may be closer to 14. Regardless, I can implement strict internet controls at home, but I cannot guarantee that my children’s friends will have similar precautions in place—particularly if they have unchecked access to devices.
The nature of today’s pornography is significantly different from what was available in the past. Rather than the soft-focus films of yesteryear, children may stumble upon explicit and graphic content that portrays violence and degradation. Such exposure can warp their understanding of intimacy and relationships. As noted by experts, individuals who consume increasing amounts of porn often seek more extreme material to achieve the same level of arousal, which can lead to unhealthy perceptions of sex.
In the past, sleepovers involved watching classic films like “It” or “Aliens,” but now I fear that the content has shifted to graphic depictions of sexual violence. Unfortunately, without knowing which families to trust, my family has decided to eliminate sleepovers altogether. When the topic arises, we simply state that our children sleep under the same roof as us.
As my children mature, I recognize that maintaining this ban may become more challenging. When the time comes, adequate supervision will be essential, and I intend to communicate openly with other parents—similar to discussions about firearms—regarding my concerns. I would rather openly express my fears than risk my children’s safety. My priority is to protect them from potential molestation or exposure to harmful content. Therefore, sleepovers at other homes are off the table—because, as my own experience taught me, you never truly know what is happening behind closed doors.
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In summary, my family’s decision to avoid sleepovers stems from a desire to safeguard our children from potential threats that, though difficult to discuss, are real and significant. We prioritize their well-being and are committed to creating a safe environment.