It all kicks off at 7 a.m. The baby wails, my feet hit the floor, and my first thought is, “Ugh, not enough sleep again.” Rubbing my eyes, I glance at the clock, confirming just five hours of sleep last night. Frustrating, but I can’t really complain; it’s become my new normal. I’m not entirely innocent here, either. I’ve got a few grays to prove that I know better than to stay up past midnight scrolling through social media or binge-watching my favorite shows. Yet, here we are.
I yawn like a lion, instantly regretting that last episode of my latest obsession. Time to board the Struggle Bus, where dreams of sleep play on repeat for the next eight hours. Time to put on my Big Girl Panties.
I brew coffee, prepare lunches, and the day is charging ahead like a freight train. At this point, I can’t tell if I’m on the train or standing in front of it. Fingers crossed that caffeine will do its magic.
My kids are at it again: tugging at my clothes, scattering bacon across the floor, and bickering over whether to watch Frozen or Zootopia. I want to tear my hair out, but instead, I smile and pull those Big Girl Panties a little higher. I can’t let my exhaustion show. It’s not their fault I stayed up past curfew with my favorite characters.
In this moment, I promise myself (again) that tonight will be the night I go to bed early. Tonight, I’ll close social media, shut my eyes, and finally address these four years of sleep deprivation. I desperately need rest, and my kids need a well-rested mom.
You’d think that after longing for bedtime all day, I’d seize the opportunity when it finally arrives. When the kids are finally quiet, I should just crawl into that comfy bed, silence my phone, and drift off. But that’s not how it works, is it?
I’m not sure what’s going on with me. Who lives like this? What kind of person dreams of sleep like an old friend, only to reject it more vigorously than a pre-coffee chat with the in-laws? All the mamas raise their hands.
We all know that once the kids are tucked in and the lights dimmed, that’s when a magical second wind hits us. Bedtime becomes our productive time; our minds kick into high gear. Sure, we complain about being tired, but most of us embrace the fact that even when sleep is an option, we often say no.
Why? Because nighttime is our time! The house is quiet, and it feels like the world is ours. So, we stay up a little too late, watching just one more episode or catching up on those grown-up thoughts we’ve missed all day. We yearn for that little sliver of solitude—an escape from the constant demands of our little ones who need juice, or assistance with shoes.
We crave sleep, but we also crave that alone time. Sadly, there aren’t enough hours in the day to satisfy both needs. It might be hard to understand, but within every mom, there are two conflicting voices: one that desperately wishes for a cozy blanket and a chance to nap, and another that scoffs and insists, “Sleep is never going to happen!”
We’re all exhausted, yet that exhaustion is more than just physical. It’s also emotional and mental. Sleep may fix one aspect of that fatigue, but parents need an emotional recharge too. So, we stay up late, relishing those precious moments of solitude after the kids are asleep. For many of us, that means we’ll be awake long after bedtime, no matter how much we yearned for rest.
Yes, I’ve been thinking about sleep all day today. But come bedtime, I’ll likely stay awake again. Why? Because I’m a mom. I have the right to be chronically sleep-deprived and still enjoy this chaotic life I lead. Those two states can coexist.
To all the sleep-deprived mamas out there, let’s raise our venti lattes and say “Amen.”
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Summary
Moms often dream of sleep all day but find themselves wide awake at night, relishing the quiet time after the kids are asleep. This paradox of exhaustion and the need for solitude is common among mothers, leading to a nightly battle between the desire for rest and the craving for personal time. Despite the ongoing struggle with sleep deprivation, many moms embrace their chaotic lives, recognizing that both exhaustion and joy can coexist.