Updated: June 29, 2017
Originally Published: October 12, 2014
Yesterday, I made a firm decision. I was finished with yelling—for good. It has now been a full 24 hours since I made that commitment, during which I’ve been acutely aware of every word leaving my mouth. That timeframe allowed me to reflect on the 5 W’s: who, what, when, where, and why I often found myself raising my voice.
The “Who”
Who was causing my outbursts? Naturally, I was quick to blame my kids. But upon deeper reflection, I realized that I was the one giving in to anger. No one forced me to yell; I was surrendering my self-control. That was a tough pill to swallow.
The “What”
What situations triggered my yelling? Primarily, it involved anything that disrupted my time or finances. Spilled powdered sugar would mean extra minutes of cleaning—time I had already set aside for more important tasks. My inner monologue screamed, “I don’t have time for this! What is wrong with you?” If it wasn’t a mess, it was a broken item—a picture frame, a lamp, or a DVD player. The realization that these items cost money and required hard work to earn only fueled my frustrations. “If you had just listened to me, this wouldn’t have happened!” I would shout.
The “When and Where”
I found myself most tempted to yell during three main scenarios:
- Getting into the car,
- Meal times, and
- When I was preoccupied on my computer or phone.
The “Why”
Now, to the most significant aspect—the “why.” Why did I resort to yelling? Initially, I thought it was due to my kids’ behavior. But the truth was, it stemmed from my own shortcomings.
There were three main reasons for my outbursts:
- Laziness: How often had I yelled up the stairs, rather than simply going up to get my kids? I’d wait for them to respond, which often resulted in more yelling. If I wanted someone to yell, I could do it myself!
- Poor Planning: When I failed to plan meals, chaos ensued. At 6 PM, while trying to rush dinner, my kids would be asking for food, and I’d yell back, “If you’d leave me alone, I could cook!” This frequently led to them filling the bathtub, resulting in a more significant mess.
- Unreasonable Expectations: With five children all under ten, expecting them to buckle up in the car in under three minutes was unrealistic. They’re kids, after all, and it’s unreasonable to expect perfect behavior at all times.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the problem wasn’t my kids; it was my approach. From this day forward, I’m committed to breaking the cycle of yelling at my kids.
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Summary
In this reflection, I dissected my habitual yelling and realized it stemmed from personal laziness, poor planning, and unreasonable expectations of my children. The journey of parenting is challenging, but recognizing these factors is the first step towards creating a calmer environment.