Before becoming a parent, the term “mommy guilt” was merely a cliche that caused me to roll my eyes. However, after welcoming my children into the world, it transformed into a relentless force that could consume me if I wasn’t vigilant.
In my pre-parenting days, guilt was a fleeting feeling. Now, it has become a constant companion, lurking behind every decision I make:
- I didn’t spend enough time engaged with my children.
- I neglected household chores because I was busy playing with them.
- I cleaned the house, but then I hesitate to let them play for fear of creating a mess.
- I didn’t encourage them to enjoy the beautiful weather outside.
- I did take them outside, but now they’re covered in bug bites.
- I read much more with my eldest than with my younger two.
- I find myself caught between being too strict and too lenient.
- I allow them treats one day, then deny them the next.
- I sneak candy for myself, hiding it away from them.
- I’ve never organized educational activities for my kids on a regular basis.
- I didn’t breastfeed as long as I intended.
- I worry that my dietary choices during pregnancy influenced my middle child’s food allergies.
- I let them watch too much television, sometimes relying on it as a babysitter.
- I went shopping without them, even when they cried to come along.
- I should be grateful all the time for being able to stay home, especially since other moms would envy my situation.
- I find myself raising my voice more than I would like.
It seems anything can trigger feelings of guilt. Many people might suggest that I should simply rid myself of mommy guilt, arguing that it’s neither helpful nor productive. Yet, the reality is that escaping this guilt as a mother is nearly impossible. Instead, I have made the conscious choice to embrace it.
I believe that if I never experience mommy guilt, it can mean one of two things:
- I’ve achieved an unattainable perfection (which I know isn’t true).
- I’ve stopped caring about my children’s well-being (and I sincerely hope I never reach that point).
By embracing mommy guilt, I can acknowledge two important truths:
First, I recognize my imperfections. While I strive to be a perfect mom or at least appear as one, I know I fall short. Accepting my imperfections allows me to focus on the most important role: loving my kids as a flawed individual. This teaches them early on that perfection is unrealistic, and it also provides them with a model for how to seek forgiveness when mistakes occur.
Secondly, I understand that my feelings of guilt stem from a place of care. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t feel guilty. The very fact that I experience guilt over various parenting choices confirms my desire to do right by my children, which is a comforting thought.
So, when mommy guilt creeps up on me, I’ll confront it rather than shy away. I’ll acknowledge it, express gratitude for the reminder of my love for my kids, and commit to addressing at least one of the issues causing me guilt. Then I’ll kindly send it on its way, knowing it will likely return before long.
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Summary
Embracing mommy guilt allows parents to acknowledge their imperfections while recognizing their deep care for their children. Instead of trying to eliminate this guilt, which is nearly impossible, it’s more beneficial to accept it and use it as a reminder of the love and commitment parents have towards their kids.