Two weeks after my son was born, my partner admitted me to an outpatient mental health facility. I hadn’t slept in 11 days following Max’s arrival, grappling with breastfeeding, adapting to a newborn’s erratic sleep patterns, and attempting to navigate the whirlwind of new motherhood. Despite thorough preparations—reading articles, watching breastfeeding tutorials, and discussing parenting with seasoned moms—nothing could have fully equipped me for the reality.
To provide some context, I’ve struggled with anxiety for a decade. When we decided to start a family, I collaborated with my therapist to find a low dose of antidepressants for a secure pregnancy. We also sought out an OB-GYN experienced in managing patients with anxiety and depression. Given my mental health history, we were aware that postpartum depression might be a possibility.
What we weren’t prepared for was postpartum psychosis.
I’ll spare you the intricate details of my experience; I still feel a twinge of embarrassment and shame, even though I know I shouldn’t. The situation escalated to a point where my 11-day-old son was at risk in my care due to irrational thoughts stemming from severe insomnia and a hormonal imbalance following childbirth.
I had never encountered the term postpartum psychosis until I spent five days in the hospital, trying to recover from the fog of despair and confusion that had enveloped me during those sleepless nights. Upon leaving treatment, although I was prescribed new antipsychotic medication that prevented me from breastfeeding, I felt utterly alone. There was no one around me who could relate or understand my situation.
Returning home, I held Max and questioned my capability to be a good mother. While I met others struggling with mental health issues in the hospital, they were not new parents—and that distinction made a significant difference.
Fortunately, my mother connected me with Sarah from Postpartum Progress. Despite her busy schedule, Sarah took the time to call me and share her own experience with postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) after her first child. Her empathy reassured me that my feelings were valid, and she reminded me that recovery is possible. This moment lifted an immense burden off my shoulders and helped me realize that I wasn’t alone.
Although I haven’t spoken to Sarah since that call, navigating my path to recovery has been a journey of ups and downs. I am no longer the same person I was before Max, but I’m grateful for the growth this experience has fostered in me.
As of December, my joyful and spirited son is now 10 months old, and I can genuinely say that I am happy. The year 2017 was a blend of joy and challenges, a true testament to the self-discovery that comes with motherhood. I found a female psychiatrist who specializes in postpartum depression and now take medication that doesn’t leave me feeling drowsy all day. Instead of working full-time, I now spend mornings with Max and teach in the afternoons.
I share my story because I believe that awareness and support for postpartum psychosis are crucial. The other day, when I shared my experience with another mother, she simply replied, “I don’t know what that is,” and the conversation ended there. My hope is for greater understanding and resources for women who experience postpartum psychosis, so they know they are not alone in their journey.
As a new mother, prioritizing your well-being is essential for being the best parent you can be. I feel I am now in a good place to provide for my son and be a supportive partner to my husband. But I recognize that healing and progress take time.
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In summary, understanding postpartum psychosis is vital for mothers. This experience, while challenging, can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth.