Every morning, as I send my kids off to elementary school, I share a few important reminders: I tell them I love them, remind them to turn in their folders, and encourage them to show kindness. But then, I add something I wish I had heard during my own childhood: “Do your best, but remember that school is not real life!” I want them to know that as long as they’re putting forth their best effort and treating others well, there won’t be any repercussions at home for the grades they receive or the challenges they face at school.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I realize I didn’t grasp that school wasn’t the entirety of life. For instance, in fifth grade, I forgot to submit a Bible assignment (yes, it was a Southern Baptist private school thing). By the time I remembered, it was too late, and I received a zero. This dropped my report card grade to an 84, which was a C in my school. It was a shocking moment for me since I had always been the “smart girl” who rarely made mistakes.
As a kid who struggled with anxiety, I felt immense pressure to meet high expectations. My parents always praised my academic achievements, which made their approval extremely important to me. The night before report cards were distributed, I lay awake, overwhelmed with fear. When I received my report card and saw the C, I broke down in tears. My mom, thinking I was upset about something more serious, was relieved when she learned it was just a grade. However, I didn’t receive the reassurance I needed. Instead, she simply told me to do better next time.
My eldest son, Lucas, is a reflection of me. He is bright and compassionate but also tends to stress himself out about school. When I see him wrestling with anxiety over his performance, it takes me back to my own experiences as a child. Unlike me, Lucas can talk to me about how he feels, but I still want him to know that school is just one part of life, not the whole picture.
It’s not that I dismiss school’s importance. If my kids are upset about something, I take their feelings seriously. I expect them to behave well, follow directions, and put forth effort in their assignments. However, once they’ve done their best, I’m not focused on the results. If they struggle with a concept, we can address it together later. A failed assignment won’t bring disappointment at the dinner table.
In the real world, everyone has different strengths. My partner works in finance and is great with numbers, while writing is not his forte. Likewise, I wouldn’t excel at balancing a budget. My hope is that my kids will discover their passions and interests as they grow. For now, school is simply their job—a place to explore and learn about various subjects.
At home, I want my children to feel a sense of calm. I have a sign above our door that reads, “Take a deep breath. You’re home now.” I aim to create a space where they feel loved and accepted, regardless of their academic performance. They can leave their school worries behind and embrace their true selves.
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In summary, I want to instill in my kids the understanding that while school is important, it does not define their worth or future. Home should be a haven where they can breathe and be themselves, free from the pressures that school life can bring.