Today marked our return to story time at the library—an event my daughter and I hadn’t attended in ages. Life had been hectic, but our previous attempt months ago left her feeling overwhelmed.
During story time, which is filled with tales, songs, and plenty of movement, most children eagerly rushed to the center of the room, buzzing with excitement to be part of the action. They yearned to be as close to the pages as possible. When it was time to sing, they jumped up, knocking into one another, each determined to be the focal point, mirroring the energy of the songs.
As I observed, I realized that the other moms didn’t need to nudge their kids into the fray, unlike my usual habit of gently pushing my daughter. Instead, these children naturally gravitated toward the excitement.
My little one, however, prefers to observe. She takes her time, soaking everything in, perched on the edge of the activity. She’s engaged, but her comfort zone is often the periphery.
There’s a societal pressure for children to be at the center of attention. For a long time, I believed it was my responsibility to encourage her to step beyond her comfort zone, thinking that if I nudged her enough, she’d eventually leap into the thick of things.
Reflecting on our last library trip, I realized my misguided approach: “Hurray! I made her cry a thousand tears, but at least she was in the center of the circle, clinging to me for dear life.” How is that beneficial? It’s not.
So, today, I chose to let her stay on the sidelines. We remained on the edge for the entire 30 minutes, with her either on my lap or holding my hand. Yet, she was still actively engaged. Initially quiet during the first story, I began to hear her softly respond to the librarian’s questions. As time progressed, her whispers turned into louder, more enthusiastic replies. By the end, she was singing along to “Itsy Bitsy Spider” with gusto, hand motions included.
She found her comfort zone, and it blossomed while nestled in my lap. By allowing her to dictate her own pace rather than imposing my expectations, she experienced growth. Instead of stretching her limits, I expanded the boundaries of her comfort zone on her terms.
My daughter doesn’t require pushing right now; she needs support. She needs me to validate her instincts and trust her feelings. I’m determined to respect her gut instincts. By doing so, I believe she will grow into the woman she is meant to become, rather than fitting into a mold imposed by others.
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In summary, I’ve learned that nurturing my daughter’s unique approach to engagement is far more valuable than pushing her into situations where she feels uncomfortable. Supporting her instincts allows her to grow authentically.