As the school year winds down, I’m counting down the days with the same excitement as my sixth grader. It’s well-known that parents look forward to summer break just as much—if not more—than their children. I desperately need that break.
I have two kids: my eldest is 11 and about to finish elementary school, while my youngest is 9. Since my oldest started kindergarten in 2008, I’ve been actively volunteering at their schools in various roles. No one has ever forced me to contribute; I do it because I genuinely want to be involved in my children’s education and because I find joy in these activities. As a work-from-home parent, I often feel that being at home without a purpose is an indulgent luxury I haven’t truly earned. To combat those feelings of uselessness, I’ve dedicated my time to volunteering. It’s not just about supporting the schools, which heavily rely on parental involvement, but also about appreciating the privilege of having the time to help.
However, volunteering can sometimes feel like a burden.
At my kids’ first school, a small institution in the Bay Area, there was a vibrant culture of parent participation. The school relied on parents to assist in classrooms, manage fundraising efforts, and organize extracurricular activities. Everyone felt like a partner in education, and it was hard not to get swept up in that enthusiasm. Many parents, even those with jobs, found ways to dedicate at least one day a month to the school. As the PTA historian for two years, I tracked volunteer hours and witnessed firsthand how much effort everyone put in.
During those years, I took on numerous roles. As an eager first-time kindergarten parent, I signed up for anything that piqued my interest. I attended PTA meetings, served on the board as historian and then secretary, was a room parent, helped with the yearbook, and even coached an after-school group called Girls on the Run—even though I didn’t have daughters. I was also a founding member of the Wellness Committee, though I still don’t know what it accomplished.
By the time my oldest completed fourth grade, I was feeling overwhelmed and burnt out from volunteering. While I enjoyed much of the work and valued the friendships I developed, I realized I couldn’t do everything. I didn’t want to do everything. I found myself resenting the tasks I once loved, like PTA meetings and physical education supervision. I decided to focus on only the activities I truly enjoyed the following year.
Then we moved, and I found myself at a new school that had similar volunteer needs but a vastly different culture. In a bid to integrate into this new community, I inadvertently over-committed myself again, which led to my experience with robotics.
Robotics was, without a doubt, one of the most challenging roles I took on. Despite my lack of engineering knowledge and minimal STEM education, I found myself coaching a First Lego League robotics team. I didn’t even want to do it, but I wanted my son to join, and my participation meant more kids could be involved.
With the assurance from a more experienced coach that it would be easy, I took the plunge. However, the reality was quite different. My co-coach and I relied heavily on trial and error to guide the kids through programming challenges. By the end, the kids understood the robotics software and math better than we did, but we were underprepared for the season-ending tournament.
Trying to manage a group of tired kids after a full day of school and soccer practice was a Herculean task. While the kids enjoyed the experience and I bonded with my co-coach, everything else about robotics was frustrating. I often felt like I had failed them and that with a more qualified coach, they could have learned more and excelled in competition.
My experience with the new school’s PTA mirrored my robotics struggles. I quickly realized the teachers utilized parent volunteers differently than at our previous school. Although I returned to robotics to allow more kids to participate, I stepped away from classroom volunteering and the PTA. This spring, I coached track, where my two decades of running experience allowed me to provide valuable advice. It felt rewarding in a way that my previous roles did not.
Reflecting on my time as a robotics coach, I constantly felt that I could have done better for the kids. Watching other parents being shamed for suggesting new fundraisers infuriated me; no one should ever feel like a failure for volunteering their time. Parents should not feel obliged to participate in activities that drain the joy out of volunteering.
Public schools desperately need involved parents, especially with significant budget cuts. Many depend on parents to provide classroom support, keep extracurricular activities running, and raise funds for essential resources like technology and art supplies. It’s easy for parents to feel the need to sign up for everything. For those who enjoy it, that’s fantastic. I used to think it was rewarding too. I could see the benefits for students and my own children, and many friendships blossomed through those experiences.
While I don’t regret my involvement, I am now ready to step back. Both of my children will transition to new schools next year. I plan to attend a PTA meeting or two to see where I can help, but I refuse to blindly sign up for everything or feel guilty if my absence impacts others. The adage, “Do what you love, love what you do,” may seem clichéd when discussing careers, but it’s incredibly apt when it comes to volunteer work. Moving forward, I will only engage in activities that truly excite me.
And if you happen to discover what the Wellness Committee actually does, please let me know—I’ll be at the track.